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The Rain

When you least expect it, it downpours,
and then it makes you stay indoors,
sitting out on that rainy day,
longing to go out and play,
but keeping you inside to brainstorm.

The rain goes drop, drop,
and soon it's nonstop,
getting out of your slacks,
and having time to relax,
getting in your relaxing flip flops.



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This article has 13 comments. Post your own!

theblondechickThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 30 at 1:30 pm:
I just love the rain. This was very cute and made me imagine my own rainy day memories.
 
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OldYoungOne said...
Aug. 12, 2013 at 1:43 pm:
A cute little poem indeed. I had fun reading this poem. Its nice since there is so many serious poets out there (even more serious than myself)
 
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nelehjrThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 10:21 pm:
It's a very nice peice! Welcome to teenink, dearie! :) Though I must disagree with your hatrid of rain. You see, I come from a land where the grass groans with hunger pains and the creeks trickle softly as if crying. Farmers fall to their knees in their barren feilds and pray for rain. When it rains I run through it like a crazy person. ♥
 
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Superhero_Fan said...
Aug. 4, 2013 at 6:20 pm:
Hey, vegangirl!
I liked your poem; I love the rain! Though, on the last line of the first stanza, it didn't rhyme as good with the first two lines. And in the first stanza where it says 'sitting out on that rainy day, longing to go out and play', I felt like the first line should've had something other than 'out', since you used it in the line after. The flip flops line was kind of out of left field, and you used 'relax' twice in those last few lines. But I ... (more »)
 
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LoonyLoopyLupin said...
Aug. 3, 2013 at 2:54 pm:
Hey, vegangirl! I'm Lupin, sorry it took so long to get you some feedback. I think you have a good, playful rhyme scheme going on. It feels kinda... bouncy? I like that. I feel like your heart wasn't quite in the words, though. Poetry is like music in that you can tell if someone's just going through the motions. This has nice potential, really; please keep writing. Your own touch will come in time, and this is a nice start. :)
 
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SwanSong This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 2, 2013 at 9:44 am:
It has a nice rhthym and rhyme scheme, but there's not really any emotion to it. You're just describing what's happenening and not how you feel about it. I love the idea of rain in poetry, but it is very over done, so just find a way to make this distinctly yours and stand out. This has some potential it just needs a little work.
 
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sarah98This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 6:14 pm:
i love the rhthym! its really great! 5/5
 
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MissExplorationThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:32 pm:
I love how this poem is about rain. I live in a state that is always rain, rain and more rain. Your poem describes a lot about how I feel when it rains a lot. You may want to look again at your last two lines, the flip flops part is a bit random for me, as well as the last line in your first stanza. I love how this poem rhymes :)  Great job! And welcome to Teenink!
 
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Carly_ElizabethThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 6:00 pm:
This was great. Haha it was very cute, I enjoyed it. And personally I love rainy days so this poem was perfect. The rhyming was great, but the only thing I would say is try not to repeat words too much. (not referring to the "drop, drop" part, that was great.) But when you said "time to relax" then "your relaxing flip flops" it kind of sounded funny, but that's alright. This poem was   great. Keep writing!!
 
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Krasota-Butterflies-and-AngelsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 2:42 pm:
I like the rhyme in here. My suggestion is not to repeat "relax" too much in the last few lines as it retracts from the flow. Keep on writing, and I guess it's kinda late, but welcome to Teenink! :D
 
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MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2013 at 6:00 pm:
I encourage you to continue writing poetry. It's not easy at first; but it never will be. With some more practice it'll continue to get better. I love the playfulness in this poem. Also how straightforward it is; there wasn't any clandestine meaning that might be hard to decipher as with most poems. 
 
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LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 28, 2013 at 11:09 pm:
Hey there! I think this was a job well done! I love the rain and I enjoy reading poetry about rain. This was a different perspective on rain from most work I have read, so it was interesting to read this. But I did like that you went from negative to positive. The rhymes were nicely done. The flow was good, except for the last line, I think you should have chosen a word other than 'relaxing' since you already used that in the line before though that's minor and can easily b... (more »)
 
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guardianofthestarsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 25, 2013 at 9:38 am:
This was very cute. ^_^
 
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