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Punished Nails

Your emerald nails-
Gnawed by your livid teeth-will
Heal, so why can’t you?



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poeticlove143 said...
May 6 at 12:12 pm:
you could have added more but the meaning was very vivid.to me it could have been a longer poem perhapse a free verse poem
 
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Laugh-it-OutThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 13, 2013 at 7:18 pm:
Wow, I was looking at all the comments and was like everyone's so harsh and critical! (Or maybe that's just me). I, however, did not find anything wrong with this except for the fact that it was too good!! I really think that you do capture so much in seventeen syllables. So 5/5 from me :) I'm off to read your other works now....keep rockin --Liv
 
Krasota-Butterflies-and-AngelsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 13, 2013 at 7:32 pm :
Thank you! :D The criticism was well deserved, though XD Not my best piece.
 
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SwanSong This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 7:53 pm:
This poem delivers such a strong message for being so short. I don't care for your adjectives as much though. I would suggest using the nail color to symoblize something, maybe "ruby red" for blood, or something along those lines. The word "livid" doesn't really flow, it doesn't really seem like a word to describe teeth either. I can't think of another suggestion for it though. Other than that, I love the impact of the last line. Nice work!
 
Krasota-Butterflies-and-AngelsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 6, 2013 at 11:24 am :
On "emerald nails," I disagree as symbolism for blood was not truly the point of the haiku, healing was. However, I agree with livid. Thank you! :D
 
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OldYoungOne said...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 2:11 pm:
I agree for haiku there is so little say but it says evrything. This haiku doesn't exactly do that it leaves the reader flat ina way. If nto for you comments on the side about the piece the reader is left with thinking what pain is the speaker reffering to? If it was an extended poem I think you could wonders. Great potential just not the write platform to go off of.
 
Krasota-Butterflies-and-AngelsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 2:29 pm :
Fair enough, thank you :D
 
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poeticlove143 said...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 2:08 pm:
i think there could be more to it
 
Krasota-Butterflies-and-AngelsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 2:30 pm :
I agree, I just was tired so I turned it from an extended poem to a haiku since there were lines in the extended poem that I didn't quite like. My bad XD Thanks, though.
 
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