death among the snows

June 25, 2013
By juneday GOLD, Barrington, Rhode Island
juneday GOLD, Barrington, Rhode Island
16 articles 1 photo 27 comments

Winter walks with a
Heavy step; under the snow,
Small voices silenced.



Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 2 comments.


juneday GOLD said...
on Jun. 27 2013 at 4:34 pm
juneday GOLD, Barrington, Rhode Island
16 articles 1 photo 27 comments
Thanks so much for your feedback! Unfortunately, I think it would be hard to change the content, due to the rigid meter of the haiku. I like your suggestion about the title!

on Jun. 26 2013 at 8:10 pm
YoruWrites BRONZE, Shelton, Washington
1 article 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The difference in judgement between you and me originates from different rules derived from past experience."--Rivaille (Shingeki no Kyojin)

Well done! It manages to be descriptive in only a few words! I thought that "under the snow, small voices silenced" is really good, but not enough. I think you should embellish the title more! You would do it very well!


SciArc

MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!