death among the snows

June 25, 2013
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Winter walks with a
Heavy step; under the snow,
Small voices silenced.

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naolovesbooks said...
Jun. 26, 2013 at 8:10 pm
Well done! It manages to be descriptive in only a few words! I thought that "under the snow, small voices silenced" is really good, but not enough. I think you should embellish the title more! You would do it very well!
juneday replied...
Jun. 27, 2013 at 4:34 pm
Thanks so much for your feedback! Unfortunately, I think it would be hard to change the content, due to the rigid meter of the haiku. I like your suggestion about the title!
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