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Alleviation

Felt around the rib cage,
Yes, there it was, the heartbeat;
I heaved a sigh



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Laugh-it-OutThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:18 pm:
I pictured a woman feeling around an unconcious mans chest searching for a heartbeat like one of those awesome tv dramas. Anyway, its good. I love the title and the end just conveys all the relief in the world. Brilliant as always Dua. Love, and keep rockin, Liv <3
 
SaphiraBrightscales replied...
Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:18 am :
That is indeed a heartwarming mind picture. I am ever so glad that you liked it Liv. Thank You so much. Love always.
 
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SaphiraBrightscales said...
May 25, 2013 at 4:41 am:
..........................................................
 
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AugustSummerFlingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 5, 2013 at 11:28 pm:
I really loved the weariness that this poem creates in the reader. Something like 'ya I know things are not going right but I'm going to try again anyway' and you perfectly conveyed the feel that you have been stepped on so many times, but you dutifully come back rising. The only thing you left to lose was your heartbeat. Simple but deep and haunting. Full of despair.
 
AugustSummerFlingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 5, 2013 at 11:29 pm :
Lol I got the grammar jumbled in between, but I guess u get the point anyway. Great job on this!
 
SaphiraBrightscales replied...
May 7, 2013 at 12:32 pm :
Thanks,,, that's how I wanted it for to be,... plus I worked real hard on thinking of the perfect title.. .. I'm so glad ya liked it :)))
 
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EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 1, 2013 at 5:13 pm:
I really like this. It's a short little poem with character. I especially loved the first line, and the tired hope the poem carries with it. It's like the poem itself is exhausted but still standing, it's metaphorical rib cage expanding and contracting in the unending rythem of life. I don't know why I just wrote a metaphore about your poem, but anyways, I really like this poem :)
 
EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 1, 2013 at 5:13 pm :
Oh, and the title's pretty!
 
SaphiraBrightscales replied...
May 2, 2013 at 9:32 am :
Well , good thing I didn't put chest instead of rib cage then and Thank You ever so much I'm always glad to see your feedback on my poetry... And the 'really' in bold just made my day and as for the title good thing I changed it at the last minute :DD  I also love the way you interpreted this. :)
 
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MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 1, 2013 at 1:35 pm:
Relaxing. With a touch of hope at the end, intermingled with some doubt at the beginning. 
 
SaphiraBrightscales replied...
May 2, 2013 at 9:29 am :
Hahaha Yep! Exactly! :)))))
 
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