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Eyes that adored your
smile, are now enveloped
in utter darkness.



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This article has 8 comments. Post your own!

corallee This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 24, 2012 at 12:22 pm:
Short but powerful. I love your word choice of "adored", "enveloped" and "darkness", as I feel they all kind of share a common theme in our minds.
 
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gb12197 said...
Jun. 15, 2012 at 8:50 pm:
verry powerful. you are a great poet, i love when small poems have a powerful meaning.
 
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Eirias said...
Jun. 10, 2012 at 9:34 pm:

When I think about this, it's really deep, but I don't feel that you made effective use of you limited syllables. While you did have a good idea, you didn't max the potential of that idea. You wasted words to try to get the exact amount of syllables, and it's obvious. Let's use an analogy.

Say you have to build a sculpture using a certain amount of clay. If I make an amazing sculpture but have too much clay, I can just tack it on somewhere and have a slight flaw, or I could start all o... (more »)

 
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wordjunkie said...
May 25, 2012 at 10:30 pm:
Short, I actually think this seems like it could be improved by length. It seems like a particularly powerful line from a book or story, but the poetry of it is lost on me. I may just be less perceptive than others, I have no clue. But it is a really intruiging thought. Could you comment on my poem "weedflower" Thanks!
 
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jackiee129 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 25, 2012 at 7:03 am:
I love that this is short and sweet, but still very powerful. It leaves a lot up to the reader as to why the subject's eyes are "enveloped in darkness."
 
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dancer25 said...
May 24, 2012 at 11:53 am:
its short yet sooo powerful. i really like it
 
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Inksy said...
May 20, 2012 at 9:03 pm:
Wow.  This really hit me.  Haikus are amazing like that, they're so incredibly short, yet can be so incredibly powerful.  This one really made me think. It's haunting. Well done (:
 
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Behind_a_Plastic_Smile said...
May 19, 2012 at 10:31 am:
i like the comparision between before and now. the words "abored" and "envelope" really just push the emotion forward and in such short poems words like that are just what you need- very nice diction 
 
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