The First Time

December 30, 2011
By beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1401 comments

Favorite Quote:
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
--Eleanor Roosevelt


The moment our eyes
met, everything changed---I
was already yours.



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This article has 12 comments.


on Jun. 3 2012 at 11:21 am
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1401 comments

Favorite Quote:
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Thanks for looking at this one---I think you may be right about spicing it up a bit.

on Jun. 3 2012 at 10:53 am
pandagirl312 GOLD, Leawood, Kansas
19 articles 1 photo 92 comments
I enjoy haikus and write them as well. So I know how hard it is to fit everything in as well as add some interesting word choices. :) Good job, but I would edit and spice this one up a bit.

on Apr. 16 2012 at 9:52 pm
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM, Manila, Other
41 articles 0 photos 650 comments

Favorite Quote:
‎"I’m learning how to drown out the constant noise that is such an inseparable part of my life. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world: I run my world." - Beyoncé

I kinda agree with GangstaINromo. Maybe, you could use deeper words. And don't make it cliche. Other than that, this is kinda cute... 

on Feb. 4 2012 at 4:53 am
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1401 comments

Favorite Quote:
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Thanks for your thoughts~

.Skyye. GOLD said...
on Feb. 3 2012 at 2:35 pm
.Skyye. GOLD, Oroville, California
15 articles 19 photos 134 comments

Favorite Quote:
All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.

I walk by Faith, not by sight

Sorry to say but I agree with the anonymous review, but it is cute, I like it :-)

dancer25 GOLD said...
on Feb. 3 2012 at 11:52 am
dancer25 GOLD, West Babylon, New York
15 articles 16 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope will never be silent'

yourwelcome

on Feb. 2 2012 at 4:34 pm
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1401 comments

Favorite Quote:
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Okay, thanks it's always good to get feedback~

dancer25 GOLD said...
on Feb. 2 2012 at 4:33 pm
dancer25 GOLD, West Babylon, New York
15 articles 16 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope will never be silent'

i like it, a agree with the spicing it up tho

on Jan. 6 2012 at 5:24 pm
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1401 comments

Favorite Quote:
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Thank you for that. I'd like your opinion on my other work, if you wouldn't mind.

on Jan. 6 2012 at 5:23 pm
Keep writing. You're obviously talented :)

on Jan. 6 2012 at 5:20 pm
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1401 comments

Favorite Quote:
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Well thank you for your honesty. You are the first to comment on my work in a while, so it's good to read some feedback.

on Jan. 6 2012 at 11:42 am
I know this is a Haiku and you don't have a lot to work with but this whole poem seems very generic. Like you could almost find this Haiku in every thirteen year old's journal. Add personality, spice it up, make it diffrent. If i wanted to read something like this i would check my little sisters FaceBook


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