Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Slow Dance In Haiku This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

Circle of friends dance.
Stare at her from across, like
A birdwatcher who

Is captivated
By a glorious eagle.
Should I? Should I not?

Slow song comes on. Heart
Jumps like a little girl skipping
Rope. Now or never.

Step toward her. Step.
Step. She steps forward too. Step.
She looks expectant.

Close my eyes and pray.
I open my mouth and my heart
Jumps, whether there are

Feathers or concrete
Below I know not. Do you
Want to dance with me?

Yes. Yes, I would. My
Heart looks like a candidate's
Headquarters on the

Election night he won.
My hands are pulled, almost like
Magnetism, toward

Her waist. Place them on
Gingerly. Her hands on my
Shoulders. Sway slowly

To the music. We
Edge closer, my hands touch each
Other on her back.

Pressed together.
I feel her hair on my cheek.
We are one, and I

Love it. No one else
Is there, just us. Twirl me, she
Asks. Spin her under

My hand. Pull her back
In close. You know, I've been kind
Of into you for

A while, she says. I
Feel euphoric. Then the song
Is over too quick.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




Join the Discussion


This article has 20 comments. Post your own!

The_Quiet_Girl said...
Sept. 28, 2012 at 10:50 am:
Wow, this is so incredible! I love it!!!!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 14, 2011 at 4:16 pm:
So sweet and magical~
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Dreamgirl95 said...
Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:46 pm:
This is awsome, So sweet. And putting it in hiku form makes it so much more enjoyable:)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
ModernMissBennet This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 31, 2011 at 8:46 pm:
You make me feel utterly untalented.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
jasont727 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 24, 2011 at 4:02 pm:
This is incredible--I love the way that you were able to find the words to make the syllable-scheme work yet kept the poem's message and lyricism. Really, incredible.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
IamtheshyStargirl said...
Aug. 29, 2011 at 5:06 pm:

Gorgeous, I must confess that I did not expect it to be written by a boy, I had to go back to the top to check your username about half way through the poem. 

This is one of, if not the best, haiku on teenink. 

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Eilleen said...
Jul. 16, 2011 at 8:38 pm:
I love the idea of using many Haiku's to create such a lovely poem... you're a great writer
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
dontforget This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 8:00 am:
I really like this!! The different point of view is refreshing and the piece seems all in all very realistic. Great job:]
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
sammisweetheart said...
Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:54 am:
This is an awesome piece of writing, and don't think that you should ever stop writing if you met with someone who tells you, you aren't the greatest, dont' ever stop writing.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Charlie111 said...
Mar. 29, 2011 at 10:04 pm:
Very creatively done .I really liked the introspection and flow of the piece,however I would have liked more description regarding the setting but all and all very well done
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
iamAbel said...
Feb. 12, 2011 at 3:59 pm:
I thought it was cool how you used the haiku format to write this poem. It's different, unique, and really cute. :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
AndersN said...
Feb. 7, 2011 at 7:30 pm:
Man, I hear you. This is so true. The only thing you forgot is that girl smell, wafting around them.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
AndersN said...
Feb. 7, 2011 at 7:28 pm:
Yes, it is in all of us. You just need to find those of us that are willing to show it.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
DiamondsIntheGrass This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 19, 2010 at 3:12 pm:
nice idea, unique in the point of view. but really, really cliche.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Patience97 said...
May 29, 2010 at 8:11 pm:
I like how you, as a guy, can be romantic. I wonder if all guys have this sweet spot inside of them? I hope so... Lovely poem... Very well written
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
realRayofsunshine said...
May 24, 2010 at 2:09 pm:

I never thought of a guys point of view. You ended here the cliche of the girl always being the romanctic one. Nicely done :)

3.5/5 stars

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
writergirl22 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 16, 2010 at 11:59 am:
This is awesome! I've never read a poem about a slow dance before, haha so that was cool. And I think that the disjointed lines add to the poem and make it better!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Grasshopper007 said...
Apr. 28, 2010 at 4:48 pm:
What is with this haiku? For haiku you're supposed to write about a peaceful, quiet scene or feeling, not a slow dance. Plus, are you supposed to do the sentences so disjointed????
 
realRayofsunshine replied...
May 24, 2010 at 2:08 pm :
The poem was really good, very sweet and terrific imagery. But I somewhat agree with Grasshopper007, I thought this was a little difficult to read. Next time, maybe try to fit each phrase into one haiku, rather than  having it bunched up everywhere.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
AmnyR said...
Apr. 12, 2010 at 9:07 pm:
awesome!!! this is great! i love dancing! its interesting to see it from a guy's point of view as well. great work!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Site Feedback