it could only ever hurt this much

January 17, 2018

i’ve come to hate the winter because turtlenecks have turned into hands wrapped around my neck.

i can never quite get warm enough
to erase the feeling of my back
against that cold, hard tile floor

i counted down the minutes
and told myself it would all be over soon, but i've been shaking ever since.

i thought i would feel a little less disgusting after i showered and scrubbed my skin clean, but even if i were to burn myself alive his touch would still linger.

i hear his name and all i want to do is throw up the words he whispered that night, like when he said, "you’re so beautiful when you cry.”
i’ve never felt so ugly in my entire life.

i’ve been choking on compliments ever since because maybe if i hadn't laughed at his jokes; maybe if i'd moved his hand from my thigh, he wouldn’t have mistaken all the no’s i muttered as a sign to stay.






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SammyJane said...
today at 7:35 am
I love this piece. I can relate very much, and if this happened to you then I'm so very sorry. It's a terrible experience.
 
toriapettyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
today at 4:55 pm
thank you so much. even with such an awful experience, there is a silver lining. we’re not alone :) please consider checking out my other poems -sfv
 
un_namedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 1:43 am
Beautifully written, I relate a lot.
 
toriapettyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
today at 1:57 am
@un_named thank you so much for reading and for commenting. I feel like I should apologize for the fact that you relate to something so heartbreaking. -semper fruar vita
 
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