Nostalgia

December 6, 2017
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“Don’t you dare
Don’t you dare f*** up
Don't you dare be some nobody
Don’t you dare be normal
Don’t you dare be different
Don't you dare waste anything
Because you have been given everything”


When I was a child they told me
When I was young they told me stories
About gods
About heroes
About business men
About people
About all of these great men overcoming their terrible situations
all these great men becoming legends


And I had to be like them
I had to be fit
And smart
And popular
And handsome
And motivated
I had to be f***ing perfect
But in my perfection I couldn’t be flawless
Not till the end of the film
Or the book
Or the story


At the beginning
I had to be broken
I had to be weak
I had to be alone
And ugly
I had to not give a f***
So that in ninety entertaining minutes I could grow
And be smart and popular and handsome and motivated and be the perfect protagonist
So that I could live happily for ever after
Or at least until the sequel


Y’know I still like films
I used to watch them on the massive tv that covered most of the wall
Maybe the TV wasn’t actually that big
Maybe I was just so much smaller
So much smaller Than that TV That became my world when I sat in front of it
As it slowly destroyed my eyesight


It’s weird
We used to all live in massive houses with tiny TV’s
Then we swapped
We lived in tiny apartments with massive TV’s
Because f*** living life when you could distract yourself so you forget you aren't living life
But then it got weirder
We changed again
We live in tiny apartments watching s*** TV off our computers
Off our phones
Because who could ever imagine being alone without some vapid entertainment to numb our brains as we wait


Numbing our brains so we don’t think about how we can’t be the people in front of us
How we can’t be the gods
How we can’t be the heroes
How we can’t be the businessmen
The people, The legends
How we can’t be everyone overcoming their situations
Because no matter how hard we try we can’t overcome our situations


No matter how hard I try
No matter how many shows I watch
I’m still some alone f***ed up kid
Writing instead of talking because this way
I can scream in my mind and not make a noise
No matter how hard you try you’re still just some person
Reading what that f***ed up kid wrote
What some kid wrote after he realised he wanted to seem smart

 

Cause even if you can’t be handsome, and fit, and popular, and motivated, or f***ing perfect
At least you can be one
At least you can be smart
One out of 6 isn’t bad
But writing some goddamned poetry doesn’t make you smart
It just makes you the kid who feels better when he sits down and writes poetry
The kid who hates how many movies he watches
But Frankly, my dear, he doesn't give a damn if you don’t like when he references films
The kid who reads everything he can get his hands on but doesn’t know how to speak to another human
The sad kid
The weird kid


The privileged kid
The kid who should have everything going for him
But who can’t do anything
Who sits alone
Who sits empty
Who sits worthless
The kid who f***ed up
The kid who has been given everything but has nothing to show for it
Me

The kid who doesn’t slowly realise
The kid who thinks no one else feels like this
The kid who doesn’t understand that the reason so many of the films he watches are the exact same film done again
Because everyone feels like this
Because everyone realises that they are not handsome, fit, popular, smart, motivated
That they’re not f***ing perfect
So everyone dreams
They don’t think back to when they were
They think back to when they could be


To when they were kids
To when they sat down in front of their tiny TV’s in their massive houses and watched their cartoon heroes battle to become perfect so they could live happily ever after at the end of the show
To when they grew convinced that that would happen to them
That robots pretending to be cars would need their help to save the world
That they would secretly be aliens from a destroyed planet
That they would come face to face with radioactive arachnids
That they could be heroes
That they would be heroes


I think that’s why Nostalgia is a thing
The past wasn’t great
We aren’t going to make anything great again
Especially not by constantly needing to see cartoon robots punching each other any time we get bored
No
The past wasn’t great
If we make the world great it will be for the first time
But when we were kids
Well that was what was going to happen


An owl would invite us to boarding school
An old hermit would train us to save the universe
We were going to change the world
We were going to make it great
In the ninety minutes of a good film
Before we all live happily ever after in the end


But we didn’t make it great
Look around


And so we go back
And we pretend to be kids
We watch that s*** we loved
Constantly refusing to ever be away from our phones
Away from our past


We want to go back to when we could change the world
We want to once again think that we are special
That we aren’t just the weird kids
Sitting on their beds writing poetry instead of speaking like a normal person
Like we can still take all the opportunities we neglected to use
Like we were special
Like we were going to change the world


But we still can
We still need to
We still need to make our world great
We still need to fight

But instead we hide beneath our phones
Dreaming of a world where we took those opportunities
Where we changed the world
By being the best athlete
By being the best singer
By being the best scientist
By being the best actor


By writing some bulls*** piece of poetry that changed the world
Dreaming of the world where we lived happily ever after at the end of the story
Even though for us
The story doesn’t end
There isn’t some bulls*** wink at the camera moment in the ninetieth minute
We don't live happily ever after
We never will


We will keep failing
We will keep struggling
We will keep finding new problems and giving our lives to solve them
And we never really make our world great
Close
But not great
Not perfect
But we will never even get there if we hide our heads behind our phones
looking at cartoon violence and heroism
looking at a better world because that seems easier than realising that we aren’t living in a cartoon
In a film
In a book
Than realising we aren’t kids anymore and we can’t fix everything with one magical poem
No matter how hard we try

 

When I was a child they told me stories
When I was young they told me


“Because you have been given everything
Don’t you dare waste anything
Don’t you dare be different
Don’t you dare be normal
Don’t you dare be some nobody
Don’t you dare f*** up
Don’t you dare”






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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Lily">This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
yesterday at 8:31 pm
so good , i love it !
 
RonanQuinn replied...
today at 12:16 am
Thank you.
 
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