nine o'clock

November 20, 2017
By , New City, NY

the pieces of a puzzle drift around me
i try to put them together, but
10 minute phone calls aren’t much to go on.

i clutch onto your voice, rasping and whispering
through the speaker, surrounded by screaming and
singing
i clutch onto a picture of you in a blue sweatshirt and a baseball cap
smiling your wry smile with a devilish look in your eyes
i miss your eyes. i miss you.
so i clutch onto the phone because
that cord is my lifeline
my link to you

i hear you choke up
and sob
it tears my heart apart
ripping into my chest and pulling out my veins one by one

i want to clutch onto you and
hold you until you’re okay
but its 8:58 and they’ll shut the phones off soon
so i sit and listen to you cry

every time you sob
my heart lurches in my chest
and i taste the coffee that i’ve been surviving on

i say, “i’m sorry”
i’m sorry for not being there
but mostly i’m sorry as in sorrow

8:59

the pieces of a puzzle drift around me
i try to put them together, but
10 minute phone calls aren’t much to go on

the busy tone blares and fills and echos in my head
BEEP BEEP BEEP click.
you slip through my fingers as the clock strikes 9
and they siphon you away to cry yourself to sleep
so i cry myself to sleep 37 miles away.






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