i don’t remember
when poison didn’t bleed into my words,
staining the lines of ink
with red blood.
i don’t remember
when lies didn’t shackle my hands,
tying me to masks,
pulling me towards walls that i have built,
hiding me from the world of pain
that lives outside the gates.
i don’t remember
when comments didn’t brand themselves
into my flesh,
burning my skin with iron rods,
scarring broken and bruised skin.
i don’t remember
a time when i didn’t live in the darkness,
my path illuminated by the sliver of moonlight,
because i’ll burn in the day.
i don’t remember
a time when i wasn’t drowning
under crashing waves,
sinking beneath water as the tide pulls me in.
i don’t remember
a time when i wasn’t afraid to smile,
when i wasn’t afraid to be happy,
when i wasn’t afraid to be feel.
i don’t remember
a time when i wasn’t afraid to be me.
i can’t remember,
i won’t remember,
when i was happy to be outside
with people who cared,
because the past lays far behind me,
and remembering something i can’t have
will break me
forever.