The walls are closing in around me
Think, think
I breath
I hold it
I count
I let the breath escape out of my lips

For a moment the walls still and I think that I am safe
And then they continue

I look down at my hands
I read their lines of labor
The sores they have from carrying a burden
How they were no longer smooth
When I was just eight

I put my hands together
And clasp them
I raise my joined hands to my head
As the walls come towards me
I curl down into a ball
And I close my eyes

I smell the metal that surrounds me
And the fire at a distance
I listen for something

And hear the screaming of the disfigured monsters behind my mind

I hear the screeching of the walls

As I feel them pushing against my shoulders

I shrink myself even smaller
To the size of young me,
Who quivered from her stinging phrases
And the expecting blows

A burning tear rolls down my cheek,
Like the ones that fell
When I was told to “grow up”
At the mere age of 10

An anger boils inside me
The same anger that built up
As I realized the truth about him

A hopelessness coils up my throat

The same hopelessness

When my useless body was taken over

All feelings overwhelm me
I am losing myself

The walls are suffocating me
I want it all to end, for me,
And for the sake of others
For the people who are bothered
By this girl, tagging behind them
Good Riddance
They’ll think
When they find out where i’ve gone

I feel myself drowning,
Losing the little consciousness I had

I am almost there

And then I remember

All the goals I had
On how I imagined my future

How though they might not miss me,
She will

How it is cowardly
Of what I am doing,
And how I’m still
Yet too much of a baby to do it

I remember how
On a summer night,
I was told by two people
What would happen
If I did

I snap my eyes open
“I don’t want this.”
I shout as loud as possible
I hold the hands
Of my invisible allies
And push the walls apart

I collapse, breathing heavily
Looking around
The walls are dented
And my hands are torn and bloody

In the empty room, there is no one to help me
I am on my own
But I’m still in one piece