Indoctrination

Do not tell me I need god
when I am caught skipping school
and the scars that lace my fingers from purging crimson stress
sting,
and I cannot rest.
I do not need anything
that tells me my existence is flawed.
Do not tell me I am sinning
when I skip church to meditate
nude in my bedroom.
The universe sings inside of my veins
and you are sleeping through the sermon.
Do not tell me I deserve it
when I wake up with nightmares.
Satan has not found me,
but I know more than anything
that god exists inside of everyone.
I have seen his face.
I have tasted his forgiveness.  
Last night, I even spoke to the heavens.
You have told me so many times
that my beliefs are wrong simply because they are mine
and they don’t irrevocably correlate to the bible
you opened once,
then set carelessly on a shelf to collect dust.
Listen:
I have read that bible more than you.
And the Quran, and the Torah, and the I-ching too
and I believe I have the right to pick and choose.
God is not a strict set of rules.
God is science and sex and forgiveness,
and when I say this
do not tell me that I am "hopelessly lost".
Do not tell me that I am not aware of the truth.
No one knows:
not me or you
or the priest
or the monks who haven’t budged in years.
The truth is that life is a cycle of love and hate
and the theory of god exists to manipulate
in whichever way suits you best.
Do not tell me to pray to alleviate eternal punishment;
my god knows nothing of this.
I believe in human kindness.
and when you weep for having "raised me wrong"
I don’t know how to explain
that maybe everyone’s belief systems are right in their own way.
Do not tell me you are better than me
for thinking only of your spirituality
from 10 to noon on Sundays
and once a year on Ash Wednesday.
You will not get into heaven by uttering Jesus
at the parties you attend.
Do not invalidate what I am saying
because your god has a book and a home
and mine only has myself.
After all,
you are looking for eternity
and I am only seeking
forgiveness.






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