i freeze when boys' lips touch me.
whether it be my cheek,
my neck,
or even my own lips if they dare,
i am numb.
my mind is devoid of all the bliss that should be running through me.

i freeze when boys' lips touch me.
although i may bring myself to quiver under their touch,
to twist and turn in the perfect ways for them,
i feel a knife twisting and turning in the pit of my stomach.

i freeze when boys' lips touch me.
the emotions i should be feeling, the emotions i used to feel,
have been stripped from me and relinquished to someone else.
i am a blank slate.

i freeze when boys' lips touch me.
my mind cannot comprehend love as a defense anymore
and can only process it as an attack.
my preconceived notions about the nature and art of love-
tarnished beyond repair.

i freeze when boys' lips touch me.
my image has been shattered-
i am a watered-down version of who i used to be.
my empty eyes can only stare blankly ahead,
as if my brain and body have dissociated from each other.
i am the essence of futility.

i will always freeze when boys' lips touch me.