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The Battle of Gettysburg

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I saw once the endless hills
where broken bodies lay

Decrepit now, standing still
Still do the Southern Ruins stay

Wreathed in fire

drums did toll

Drums heavy as the darkness cloaked
the watching men with muskets poised
o'ver the burning hills of smoke
For there I took from barren lands
a picture carved from marble
Of burning wreathes and restless sands;
Long low the wind did garble
For moistened lips and starving eyes

Pale warriors loitering over misty banks
Faint whispers of the deathly cries
That ran through the might Northern Ranks
So passed the broken walls I crept
the soldiers kept in mind
and for a moment stood
Where the Southern Ruins lie. 

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hwoodruff98This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 8:25 pm
This was a nice piece. You have beautiful imagery, and your words create a nice rhythm in my head, almost like the marching feet of soldiers. That being said, there were a couple of awkward wordings in here, especially where you forced a rhyme or added some form of the word "do." For example, "still do the Southern Ruins stay," "drums did toll," and "the wind did garble" would be stronger without the addition of the word "do." I think, perhaps, it's fine in the line about Southern ruins, but I t... (more »)
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