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becomming

I've become a master

at breaking my own heart

with simple thoughts

dreams and hopes

that are impossible to acheive.

Things I will never be able to do,

places I will never go, and

people I will never be able to love.

All because of my mind,

which holds me back

so much.

It makes me sad

and Frustrated.

Lost.




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hwoodruff98This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 10:00 pm
First and foremost, "Becoming" is spelled wrong in your title. Also, I feel like this could be a stronger piece without the last three lines. It's telling emotion, not showing it. Furthermore, I feel as if you could add an adjective like "twisted" in front of he word "mind." Perhaps you could even tie in examples and expand your piece by adding lines like "It [being the speaker's mind] whispers day in and day out, telling me I won't ever..." and here you could say something like "publish my nov... (more »)
 
Patrick82432This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 29 at 10:44 pm
I love this!
 
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