Forgetting

March 5, 2017

Like a train passing through
An unlit subway tunnel
In
    and
            out
The wind whistles,
Hushing the hum of the tracks,
The rhythm of the car
Somewhere in the station,
A lone saxophone sounds
In sonorous tones
Music, a song you once knew
Word-for-word
Lyrics, lines, letters
Blown away
Like dust from ancient scrolls
Filled with runes and hieroglyphics
Languages that were tucked away
In the attic for safekeeping
And are now steadily leaking out of boxes,
Unable to be recollected
See? There escapes a noun
The French word for dreams—“les rêves”
It floats away on a cloud,
Morphing into great, billowing forms
Phantasmagoric figments
With garbled speech and hazy faces
Shifting
             in
                  and
                         out
                                of focus
Faces that used to pass you by
On the streets and in long hallways
People with whom you shared a drink
Or a single inside joke
Who once complimented your clothes,
Wished you a happy birthday
You heard their names once,
But they have passed through you,
In
    and
            out,
Just like galaxies and solar systems
You memorized in school
Yes, even the stars,
In addition to what you had
This morning for breakfast,
Are
      slipping
                  away






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This article has 7 comments. Post your own now!

Consalvator This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 21 at 12:23 pm
Sorry for getting back to you so late. You're a devil with word choice. I absolutely love the descriptive and sensory words you use, and I think mixing a French phrase in there just proves your virtue in diction. I like the repetition of "in and out", but I would suggest keeping "are slipping away" on one line and repeating the "in and out" as your last line of the poem. Otherwise, it breaks the consistent style/rhythm. I liked how abstract the poem was, the in and out seeming to mimic the pictu... (more »)
 
hwoodruff98 replied...
May 27 at 7:00 pm
Wow, thank you so much for your feedback! It was extremely helpful and also encouraging. :) I'll definitely reconsider that last line and take another look at punctuation... Thanks again!
 
addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 9 at 12:18 pm
I’m not sure how I feel about the formatting of the repeating “in and out”, but I definitely feel that the last words, “are slipping away”, should be on just one line. I guess it’s a stylistic choice, and that’s just my opinion. Anyway, I adore the lines “Who once complimented your clothes,/wished you a happy birthday” and “Yes, even the stars,/ In addition to what you had/ This morning for breakfast,”. And the whole part about languages. I just really like this poem. Good job!
 
hwoodruff98 replied...
Apr. 9 at 9:44 pm
Thank you so much for the feedback (and for the compliment)! I will definitely consider reformatting the last line. I kind of like the poem fading out line that, but it is different, because previously only "in and out" was formatted like that.
 
thewarrior77This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 9 at 9:46 am
Great job! Very creative with your structure, careful, you want it to be consistent in this case. Very lovely word choice. The tone is established very effectively. You are a really talented poet, keep it up!
 
hwoodruff98 replied...
Apr. 9 at 9:46 pm
Thank you so much for your feedback! :)
 
MagdaEmilia This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 15 at 12:02 am
This is fantastic, I love it. :3 I really like how fluid it is; and the transitions are really neat, great work!
 
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