November 21, 2016
I sit up straight, breathing heavily-
Worry a jolt passing through me.
I hold my hand over my pale chest,
My hands clammy from the moment.
I feel like falling, fading, failing,
Like nothing I've done means anything.
I'm rose waiting to be ripped to shreds by the storm,
I'm tumbling, tripping, trying but I never win.
I lay on my back watching nothing-
Being nothing, knowing nothing and knowing I won't ever.
The hours tick by and my eyes stay open-
Open as my past reveals my bitterness.
No one understands what I feel because-
They don't feel it every night.
I don't blame them for their confusion-
But their looks of disbelief hurt more than words ever could.
Instead, I cry and shake as the bed beneath me quivers,
I sob and scream and no one can hear because it's all inside my head.
Lying on a a pile of fabric-wishing it would quiet my thoughts-
Wishing it would stop the voice in my head that keeps me awake.
I'm exhausted but I can't sleep-
I'm invigorated yet injured… I'm an Insomniac.

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