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Why I Can't Start Over

Knowing isn’t believing-
just because I avoid this every day
doesn’t mean it’s truth
You can aim reality straight into my face
and still not hit your mark,
the barrier you built up
between my head and my heart
is too strong.

I’d still give it all to start over,
when I didn’t know to trust you
but I didn’t know not to trust you either.

I tally up the lies I tell myself
every time I walk into walls,
I can’t give you a clean slate
if you’re still the same soul-
because I can read everything I ever was
in your bottomless green eyes
as they flicker with how much I know I regret and you don’t.

And yesterday I met another person from your electric city,
but he doesn’t even have an identity,
because in my head that city is not a place where people live.

It’s where you sleep at night,
it’s where you don’t think about your daily routine because you know it like the back of your hand,
it’s where you know someone with a smile better than mine,
it’s where you make up stories about the strangers on the streets,
it’s where you keep your favorite cereal and the cat who loves you no matter how ugly you cry,
it’s where you keep the pair of shoes you bought once but outgrew and only still have them because they remind you of how far you’ve come,
it’s where you sometimes forget to tell your mom you love her but it’s okay because in seven hours you’ll see her again,
it’s where you maybe sometimes think about me-
where you probably don’t,
it’s where you stay up till the sunrise with people lucky enough to know you,
it’s you.




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