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Skinny

The words would hiss at me randomly.
Ever since the day in 3rd grade
Kids were a bit too cruel.
When that three letter word
Shoved its way into my vocabulary.
Fat.


Every glance in the mirror,
Every echo of that word,
Made me see something
That wasn’t even there.


The years dragged by,
Adding more and more weight
On my shoulders,
Waiting for me to crack.
Fat.
Ugly.
Useless.


Ringing in my head,
Bouncing back and forth,
Screaming at me.
Telling me that
I
Wasn’t
Good enough.


Each class was a battle field,
Makeup was my armor,
Baggy t-shirts were my shield.
Whispered insults were their ammunition.
And even the best of the best
Couldn’t save me.


“Dieting”
That’s how it started.
That’s not how it stayed.
My makeup became thicker,
As I became thinner.
My tears became more frequent,
As my meals became more scarce.


I had fallen for their trap,
For their calculated words that were
Aimed to break me,
And that’s just what they did.


In the back of my mind,
Like a screeching, broken stereo,
There they were.
Fat.
Ugly.
Useless.
Fake.


Fake smiles as I reassured my friends,
Fake laughs as I built my wall up higher,
Fake conversations, so I didn’t have to let anyone in.
Because,
Beneath the baggy clothes,
And skin and bones,
There was a sobbing girl,
Who just wanted to be skinny.




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