maybe next time MAG

March 1, 2009
By hillary811 GOLD, Bozeman, Montana
hillary811 GOLD, Bozeman, Montana
10 articles 0 photos 3 comments

you’re as sweet as the sugar pan of rio
the words dripped from your mouth
like water from a leaky faucet
i’ve been meaning to fix it
but just haven’t had the time
or so they say.

the look in your eyes
like straight black coffee
no sugar, no cream, no nothing
almost makes me wince the first hot sip
trickling down my throat
still swollen from your kisses.

surviving off a staple diet
of lattes – extra foam
sleep crusted at the corners of my eyes
doesn’t let me forget last night.
not yet.
flannel shirts against my cheek,
tear-stained and puffy,
but when is it not.
sour gummy worms snake through my throat
as slippery as your glances in the hall
dripping with disdain.

you’re too good for me,
you once said to me over a coconut macaroon
and a grande chai,
too hot still.
you told me I didn’t deserve this
damn right I didn’t deserve it.
and here you are now, wondering why I left.
wondering why I turned away when you told me to go.
I didn’t think it was that hard of a concept
to follow words as simple as those.

sleep drifts in and out of the window
like coffee at two in the morning
trying to stay awake, desperate to sort out my thoughts before I can lay my head down
but it doesn’t seem to be working.



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This article has 94 comments.


on Jul. 18 2014 at 10:57 am
the-earth-between-our-toes SILVER, Wales, Other
6 articles 11 photos 30 comments
I am in love with this. So clever

on Nov. 7 2012 at 9:06 pm
Flyawaybirdy BRONZE, Tigard, Oregon
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes, all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, and I promise something good will come out of it." -Matt Damon, We Bought a Zoo.

This is such a beautiful poem! I love it! 

on Apr. 23 2012 at 5:38 pm
Wilson1994 GOLD, Holywood, Other
10 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Nothing lasts forever. Forever's a lie. All we have is what's between hello and goodbye.' Unknown

The use of coffee to describe your feelings along with other normal and popular substances makes this seem so much more than just a broken heart, or a deep set anger, this is beautiful! I'm so sorry to post this extra bit but if anyone is willing to have a look at my work and give some critical feedback I would be grateful! And again, a beautiful and unique poem, keep it up and post more:)!!

D-wreck BRONZE said...
on Jan. 26 2012 at 11:50 am
D-wreck BRONZE, Charlotte, Vermont
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
As if you could kill time without injuring eternity- Henry David Thoreau

Great job with the coffee it's well written but, I feel that you faded off when you started talking about the gummies. Just keep focus.

on Jan. 4 2012 at 5:48 pm
AboveSuspician, Whocares, Kentucky
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
I love it.

on Sep. 4 2011 at 7:06 pm
ThePeaceDaisy BRONZE, Albany, New York
4 articles 5 photos 224 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color.” - Unknown
I will change this every week!

i liked the coffee theme :D i love coffee! anyways AWESOME job!!

on Aug. 3 2011 at 2:52 pm
Mimi15 PLATINUM, Belfast, Maine
49 articles 0 photos 74 comments
I don't really like the way you drone on about things.  You could benefit from being a bit more concise.

MakaylaS. GOLD said...
on Aug. 3 2011 at 9:14 am
MakaylaS. GOLD, Fairfax, Virginia
13 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Starve a Bully, Feed your Soul, STAND GRAND." -Vincent Castronovo

Amazing poem, I am speechless. I really like the first stanza, and even althroughout, I couldn't stop reading. GRAND job! 

on Jul. 12 2011 at 12:43 pm
Casual.dreamer SILVER, Bakersfield, California
6 articles 0 photos 40 comments
this is great, I really liked it. Look at my work?

on Apr. 15 2011 at 2:31 pm
xXprettybrowneyesXx SILVER, Coonrapids, Minnesota
7 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"find hope where darkness hides and where truth and lies are indifferent . "
Best friend Taylorr :)

i really liked when you said,

"you’re as sweet as the sugar pan of rio
the words dripped from your mouth
like water from a leaky faucet
i’ve been meaning to fix it
but just haven’t had the time
or so they say."


on Dec. 26 2010 at 10:03 am
KandyKrysten SILVER, St.Helens, Oregon
5 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"God never opens one door without closing another, even if its hell in the hallway..." -unknown
"Cry when you need to, write when the tears don't fall..." -me
"If you know what you care about then you know why you havent given up" -me

this is truly amazing, it sounds like it came from your heart and thats where all the bet writing comes from. keep it up and dont stop, writing could be an amazing carreer for you if you have more with this kind of meaning to you.

on Dec. 4 2010 at 4:42 pm
Angiethoughts BRONZE, Hillsboro, Oregon
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The second you're willing to make yourself miserable..to make someone else happy..thats love right there."

"blessed are those who see beautiful things in humble palces, where others see nothing."

Seems like it has lots of meaning. I love it.

on Dec. 4 2010 at 11:29 am
Annabelle294 SILVER, Branford, Connecticut
9 articles 0 photos 64 comments
This is amazing, you have such a talent!

on Nov. 12 2010 at 11:15 am
BrOkEn_LoVe BRONZE, Aurora, Colorado
4 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"asking for help isnt a sign of weakness but a sign of strength"

fantastic work ^_^

summerqdp GOLD said...
on Nov. 12 2010 at 10:40 am
summerqdp GOLD, Dana Point, California
10 articles 12 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend with weed is better."
"Then he put on forty-two and a half tabs of brown acid that he still had from his Woodstock days. She saw all kinds of colors. Lemon yellow, orange orange, cherry red, kaleidoscope eyes. The world was on fire."

LOVE THIS:

 

like water from a leaky faucet
i’ve been meaning to fix it
but just haven’t had the time
or so they say.

 

and this too:

Sleep drifts in and out of the window

like coffee at two in the morning

 

and this:

I didn't think it was that hard of a concept

to follow words as simple as those.

 

Wow you have an amazing mind in there ha. Very, very well written. I loved the concept and your execution of putting it on paper. PLease keep writing. You have a writing style that I have not seen. Lovely poem.


on Oct. 21 2010 at 9:07 pm
LuckyOtter SILVER, Franklinton, Louisiana
9 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is our choices that show who we truly are....far more than our abilities.
- Albus Dumbledore

One word, three syllables

a-ma-zing


on Sep. 29 2010 at 8:33 am
tes1634 PLATINUM, Olive Hill, Kentucky
46 articles 16 photos 17 comments
this is beautiful :) i love the crashes of reality it gives. check out some of mine and tell me what you think. :)

on Sep. 7 2010 at 3:12 pm
pinkypromise23 PLATINUM, Cranston, Rhode Island
30 articles 0 photos 414 comments

Favorite Quote:
i know that you believe you understand what you think i said, but im not sure you realize that what you heard is not what i meant.

i liked the food refrences(: lol

on Aug. 16 2010 at 11:07 pm
Only,I PLATINUM, Taylorville, Illinois
45 articles 17 photos 123 comments

Favorite Quote:
This too shall pass.

This is amazing, the words you use and the lines to use are so great. I love this.

on Aug. 16 2010 at 6:16 pm
Marlyre PLATINUM, Kalamazoo, Michigan
21 articles 0 photos 208 comments

Favorite Quote:
"when you cry, do you waste your tears?" Madonna

you have a great motif that you use and beautiifully shows your emotions through the piece... read some of mine?




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