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Broken Thoughts

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I gaze upon the starless sky
Tired and anxious for no reason why
I think "Won't I be better off dead?"
As I watch others who walk on by

I wonder why I only feel pain
I ask "Am I the only one,
So trapped, so lonely, forever
In this gilded cage?"

My mask in place
A smile so fake, yet regarded as true
Hides my agonizing pain
That's what I've learnt at least

"Don't let them see, don't trust them
Don't truly feel, don't open your heart
Cause if you do you'll let them inside"
Words repeated like a mantra in my head

The pain I feel,
Just makes me want to disappear
No knives can replace it
No pens can make it better

Even though I write these words
Please understand its not a plea
I want you to know what a mess I am

I don't want your help
I feel better in the pain
Cause the pain can numb,
The hurt HER words cause

My mind seems shattered
My own broken world
With a blood red moon, A quiet, dead forest
And a never-ending maze of collapsing ruins

No matter which way I run,
No matter how many times I scream,
I'm always alone in a foggy haze
With no hope in sight

I gaze upon the dark grey sky
As raindrops fall to the ground
I stop and think
"won't it all be better if I was to die"

Because  truth be told
I'm not really living
With all the deceitful words SHE spews
Why should I be allowed freedom




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