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dear you

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i really have no idea
how to write this
because i’ve wanted to say this for like nine months
but i won’t
until you are dying
or we become close friends again in college

so honestly
you’re my best friend
i love you so much
and i miss the times we used to have

i miss texting almost everyday
and going downtown
i’m sorry
for all the times i was jokingly rude
and for
leaking your number
a lot
and i’m sorry
for messing up
(for like two years)
i could’ve moved
but i was afraid

but that’s not even why
when mrs. b mentioned this poem
i thought of you

i thought of the
“happy holidays!”
i slipped you in seventh period
because we had bared the pain of mr. louis
for months
i remember your email response
our first text
and our hour long google hangouts
and how happy i was
to be your friend

i thought of our bonfires
of our downtown carpools
you and your mom
up front whispering the whole way
i thought of when i accidentally invited you
to a girl scout event
thanks mom

i thought of our song
and i thought of how long we worked
how much you helped me

i thought of the library
and i thought of our game
two boston’s
the gap
but not the apple store
i thought of hours spent in barnes and noble
how no matter how done i was
with the familiar sights
of our great city
it was okay
because i was with you

i thought about how that happened
and how that changed everything
and how i don’t want that at all
but what we had before

and when they asked that
i told them
i had no idea
   but i lied
   because it was you

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