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Chalice

her neck is so slender and fragile
i grip it hard
wanting to crush it in my hands
then brush off guilty shards

 

her dress is transparent
i see her heart
blood deep burgundy and seductive
so sweet it makes me giddy

 

i kiss her gold rimmed lip
a clear tone rings softly
temptation
drunk silly with infatuation




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Inspiringyou2_stayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 16 at 10:55 am
I promised that I would give feedback to anyone to comments on my work and Wow! i love this. I can see the wineglass interpretation easily. I am sure you purposely did not capitaize anything, but I think if you did, it would have greater effect. Some commas might help, for if you have the reader pause, or slow down at a few p,aces, the poem is much more dramatic. I see no grammatical errors, so good for you. Overall, the idea of this poem is very strong and creative. Keep writing!!
 
tigerlilyorangeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
today at 2:30 pm
thank you for your suggestions! while i did leave my letters uncapitalized on purpose, i totally hear you. i'll write it again with some punctuation, read it aloud, and see what i think!
 
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