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As time Flies by
June 29, 2016
The day crept upon our skin
As each day flew by
We stared at the black dotted sky
One day before
Saying nothing as time went by
In a blur
We hoped
We wished
We prayed
That this day wouldn't come
Yet it did
The world spun
Time slowed
The flowers shriveled
And a tear left
unshed
I said my goodbye
Waiting for a reply
In the open
Night sky
© Treza R., Kalispell, MT
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 18 comments.
hwoodruff98 said...
on Apr. 12 2017 at 9:40 pm
This was a nice piece. Just a few edits to consider: "Black-dotted" is hyphenated. Additionally, it doesn't make sense that time would slow down when it was just flying by in the second line of this poem. "And a tear left unshed" is also a fragment of an idea, because there is nothing preceding it or following it that ties it into the poem. Perhaps you could change the wording to "And tears brimmed in my eyes." It just doesn't follow the parallel structure before it. This was a nice start. Keep writing!
LeisurelySketches GOLD said...
on Nov. 28 2016 at 7:48 am
That's a very soulful piece. Keep writing, it will turn out really well.
Simply.alive BRONZE said...
on Jul. 11 2016 at 12:07 am
Good job. I feel this! What she said. Keep writing.
FallenAngel11283 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 10 2016 at 10:26 am
I really love this, good job. Your very talented! Keep writing
DaleJ said...
on Jul. 9 2016 at 8:30 pm
Great work, keep it up!
SilverLiner said...
on Jul. 9 2016 at 11:59 am
That, right there, is some lovely writing.
lifeless_tomb SILVER said...
on Jul. 5 2016 at 5:36 pm
i really love this it has such a peaceful tone to me anyway
Cadenza101 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 5 2016 at 10:18 am
dude I love it its really good
I just started this piece and would really appreciate feedback. Thanks!