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Staccato Heartbeats
bump-bump
he kisses me on the mout
bump-bump
staccato heartbeats
bump-bump
i have to get out
tugging on shoes
the coat doesn't matter
nothing is wrong
but it won't get better
nails escape the door
only by an inch
my soles take flight
on the harsh pavement
my soul is a twisted crash
how many times can
the wind bite my hair
the same amount of times
i bite my fingernails
making them bleed
soaked like the sun
legs like the sea
aching for shore
never stable
never still
let me rest
fluorescent lights are all i see
alcohol and gasoline
convenient in one place
staccato heartbeats
i wanna get out
"bullet proof windows
and too-loud radios mixed with drugs
doesn't make a place for you"
i want to ask how he knows
but my dollar for a pop
is turned over without a word
and then i'm out
back in the fluorescence
my hands out wide
wondering where my stars went
questioning the moon and
the lacking presence of andromeda
"do you think she feels like i feel?"
the girl with the chain gang of cigarettes
thinks for a moment, studying -
"maybe we all do"
the eyes drunk with blood
don't hide the vibrance
of what used to be
and what if she's right -
maybe we all do?
maybe we're all scared
that the sun that warms us
will burn us down; she's tired
staccato heartbeats
everyone has them -
the fears, the heart pounding
let. me. escape.
they can come with me
as long as i get out,
out of here -
on to the next place -
something new, not as fickle.
my tarot deck was dealt
but fates change and
lifelines are cut, maybe only
because the Fates need a friend
i can be their friend
invite me to the playground
the death-day celebrations
"fool" the corpse of pasts whisper
"your commitment is rubble
and the patience is ash
cigarettes will light souls on fire
and even our goddesses want to leave
this palace of hell'
then where do i go?
where do i go
if i'm too indecisive for hell
i'm too in between
and my staccato heartbeats
are mad at me
for giving them motel rooms
and drive-thru lives
i don't want to die
i just want to rest
we all want to rest
let me rest,
please.
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