It's January and we're cold

each of our limbs traced with ice
every fire we start between our bodies
leaves us burnt and bitter and numb
No matter what we do, we can't keep the cold out
It comes from inside

It's February and we're messy
our sheets turn black with untidy affairs and tangled apologies
We grow stained and unpolished our rusted skin
rubbing off on everyone we touch
every tarnished mouth and corroded fingertip
leaves us further broken

It's March and we're charming
All hands and hair and untruthful words to heal
spoken through chapped lips and sharp teeth
in passenger seats we make something out of nothing
and everything seems more lovely under a lamppost
especially a smile

It's April and we're starving
stomachs lay claim to our hearts and devour our desires
hollow heads hang craving eager lovers
we yearn and ache for feeling
this hunger isn't for fare

It's May and we're beginning
brighter than the sun
we take and grow stronger
no creator can profess to be ours
broken ribs rebuilt above our imaginations
looking across a windy summer sunset
we paint our heaven with gentle smiles
just out of reach
these short lives require long lasting pleasures

It's June and we're missing
missing the poetry no metaphors here
I miss your touch you miss my sigh
you miss my skin I miss your soul
I miss you telling me sweet strings of sense
but it was okay
we don't miss each other as much as we could
as much as we will

(They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone but listen I always knew what I had)

It's July and we're burning
exploding
fire makes itself at home in the embers of our tired minds
from too many miles apart we strike words to ignite emotion
bring heat between us I swear
we could boil the Atlantic

(They say never let an old flame burn you twice but I know that if you were a fire I would be ashes)

It's August and we're aching
We hurt for more
striving to be everything we ever wanted
In clean sheets we steal each other's insides
our bones become hot
our blood thickens
I love you I love you I love you so goddamn much
you say you'd die for me but I'd live for you
Saying it makes it real
we strip casualty from our conversation
and make promises no cage could keep
naked words and naked thoughts make souls impure

It's September and we're learning
in classroom seats we're all
bouncing knees and stolen glances
we become all unwashed hair and purple eyes
We discover parts of us that become unburied
they claw toward the surface as we dig down
The sound of your sigh becomes deafening

It's October and we're trying
I've cried more now than I ever have and for better reason
The beginning of the end never felt so amazing
Like breathing fresh air for the last time
I try to drown in your laugh every moment
Try for me try for me try for me
you're stronger than you know

It's November and we're falling
Like the leaves only the color means nothing
And the frost means more than the sunset
I just wasn't worth it

It's December and we're breaking
I'm breaking
You're healing
as much as you can
Be happy be happy be happy
if this is what it takes

It's January again
and I still love you like it’s July
nothing's changed nothing's changed nothing's changed
I wish the summer would put me to sleep
and in June we can miss memories