When I Am Dead

April 12, 2016
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When I am dead, my darling daughter
Remember me with love, and not resistance
Do not try to stick my bones back together with tape
But instead cherish them, honor them in my name

Try to understand that you are the light in my life
The angel given to me by grace
That I love you
I pray for you
I believe in you
When you don’t even believe in yourself

Please understand that everything I did was an action of love
I would never try to restrict you of your freedom
But rather encourage you to embrace it
I gave you experience and wisdom
Because I wanted you to be the White Dove outside the Gilded Cage of Life
Independent and strong
Free and flying
From above

Do not think that I did not see
Those loose little fingers fiddling in my purse
That one night
Or when you lied to my face
So many, many times
But I forgave you your trespasses
My daughter
Because my love for your is boundless

You treated me so unfairly for many, many years
You lied
You cheated
You stole
You brought me to tears
Your actions cut so deeply
But I forgave you
Because you were in pain
And I felt that hurt tenth fold

Your temper was a dancing fire flame
Irritable
Irrational
Always swimming against the current
Lighting a match in an ocean of gas just to watch the flames flicker
But when you smiled
The whole world was incandescent
And I felt a warm glow in my heart
Because my darling daughter was happy
If only for a moment

I only want the best for you
That is why I pushed
Because I knew you had ambition and talent
But you needed guidance
Only I never anticipated such intransigence 

You defied me at every corner
You never apologized, either
Not too often did you give thanks
Or tell me that you love me
But I heard your unspoken words
My daughter
Because I knew you when you didn’t even know yourself

You lost your integrity
At one point
My daughter
Along with other amiable qualities
Such as
Honesty
Reliability
Honor
And
Morality

The pain and hurt that you harbored inside you
For all those years
Did something to you
My sweet little girl
I hardly recognized you sometimes
You were a stranger
Everything that came across your path
You hurt
You destroyed

But
Your smile made my heart melt
That smile is what gave me strength
Faith in your happiness
In your salvation
That one day you would be at peace
And learn to love fully, forgive, and eventually accept yourself

That one day did come
And I know, because I witnessed it
You grew into a beautiful young woman
Intelligent and driven
With a heart on her sleeve 

You see the world now
I know you do
You finally accept it
And yourself

When I am dead, my darling daughter
Remember it was I who believed in your redemption
 






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