All your life, you’ve been a genius. School has always been easy- sometimes too easy

And everyone has told you how smart you are. Repeatedly. Almost daily.

Your parents constantly refer to you as “gifted” and “special”
They idolize every little thing about you, making you into some perfect being who can do no wrong

Your teachers expect you to be the best at everything, overlooking the fact that no one is perfect -expecting you to completely understand and comprehend everything

Your classmates take advantage of you, copying off your homework and belligerently referring to you as “the perfect one” And you hate it.

Eventually, you believe it. Believe that you’re perfect, that nothing you try will ever be difficult. Believe that you’ve somehow been given this “free pass” to life that allows you to succeed at practically everything you do

And you hate it. You want to try, actually try at something for once in your life- and fail horribly. You want to struggle with something, so want some proof that all of this just won’t be for nothing.

You could just stop trying- fail all of your classes, smoke, drink- but you don’t want to. The easiest option seems to be self-hatred- and so you begin to criticize everything you do, convincing yourself that all you deserve is to be miserable.

The way you see it, other people struggle. Other people fail. They deserve the ease, the smartness, the “free pass to life” You don’t. They deserve to get what you’ve never had to work for. They deserve a break.

Whenever you try at something- and succeed- you convince yourself that you don’t deserve whatever it is- that all you deserve is to fail. That you deserve to have to work yourself to the bone only to have all your work amount to nothing.

And really, that’s all you want.