To constantly worry that something might be wrong feels overwhelming.

Im not exactly sure what it is about me that leaves me always lacking in some way.

Maybe i just think im trying hard, maybe my perception of reality is altered.

While i used to be so colorfully spirited, the grey seems to be returning over and over.

Days i feel ive made progress, i catch a vibe that says things are still not as they should be.

I wonder why i dont know exactly what im ever thinking and i just babble until everything i didnt mean to say is taken for exactly what people think i always meant.

When i sing its like all the things about myself that seem so out of place find their way back into sequence, but as quickly as i find myself through music...i stop listening & tune into real life.

I used to think silence was something i needed, but now its like the moment there are no words to speak and silence occurs my mind wonders far off into all the possibilities that again im lacking something.

More often than not i find myself feeling like there will always be something about me that just strikes the most important individual as uninteresting leaving them uninterested.

All my fears attack me at night, fear is the gun, anxiety is the trigger & my thoughts are the bullet that punctures my togetherness.

I dont know where im going with this...

its been a long time since i was a skillful writer.

I wonder if sadness is just something we all are, but cant come to terms with it and posess many moments of breif happiness to cover it up.

I want to know things, things i cant make people come out and tell me.

it makes me go searching for things i know i dont want to hear or see.

it makes me...crazy.

I just want to be all the things that once made me great, i speak like i know what those things are.

i dont know much of anything

I want to know

im dying to know.