you pierced my soul but why

July 7, 2015
By ThisEmilyDa1 SILVER, BF, New Mexico
ThisEmilyDa1 SILVER, BF, New Mexico
6 articles 0 photos 101 comments

Favorite Quote:
only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile
-Albert Instien
the only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.


You pierced my heart

Then you pierced my soul

You drove a steak through my lungs

then you drove steak through my hope

 

Some notice I'm broken

I'm falling to pieces 

But they made their mistake

They believed I was fine

Some make the mistake 

Of not noticing at all

 

And I made the mistake

Believed it would stop

 

I see you at school

One innocent child

Then the next

You never bother the others

Because you can only

Handle the small

 

A cat will chase the bird

That tries to fly to flee

But a cat will ignore 

The dog that stands tall

 

I do not have that bravery

So I live in pain

But you don't care at all

You offer blow after blow

Time after time

 

But may I ask you this? 

Why?


The author's comments:

This is about bullying, it's not cool and needs to stop. I know I still have a lot of room to improve in poetry, so I welcome any and all advice. Especially if someone could give me some tips on getting the rhythm of a poem right. Thank for liking and commenting!


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This article has 15 comments.


on Nov. 18 2015 at 11:41 pm
ThisEmilyDa1 SILVER, BF, New Mexico
6 articles 0 photos 101 comments

Favorite Quote:
only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile
-Albert Instien
the only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.

Thanks for the comment! I wrote this when I was just getting started on poetry, I have written a few better ones since. God bless you too! And thanks again for commenting.

on Nov. 18 2015 at 10:58 am
writer-violist DIAMOND, Jenks, Oklahoma
63 articles 4 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
― Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

This is really good. I like the figurative language and all the details you added. I would say to keep in mind where you put capital letters on the first of the last two lines on the first stanza. This is awesome! Please keep writing and God bless! :_)

on Oct. 26 2015 at 12:29 pm
ThisEmilyDa1 SILVER, BF, New Mexico
6 articles 0 photos 101 comments

Favorite Quote:
only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile
-Albert Instien
the only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.

Sounds cool, thanks for commenting.

on Oct. 26 2015 at 7:50 am
BabySnickers15 SILVER, Columbus, Ohio
9 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I can accept failure, but I can't accept not trying" ~Michael Jordan~
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams" ~Franklin Delano Roosevelt~

That is interesting. I really like it we should Collab sometime

on Sep. 2 2015 at 6:10 pm
ThisEmilyDa1 SILVER, BF, New Mexico
6 articles 0 photos 101 comments

Favorite Quote:
only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile
-Albert Instien
the only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.

Thank you.

on Aug. 30 2015 at 8:11 pm
ElisaTheDuck ELITE, Rigaud, Other
323 articles 5 photos 168 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Describe yourself in three words."
"Lazy."

It's okay; it happens to the best of us. Amazing poem though!

MXiale_983 said...
on Aug. 23 2015 at 6:51 pm
MXiale_983, Worthington, Minnesota
0 articles 1 photo 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Stop. Turn around. Keep walking. You're getting closer to destiny."

Interesting. Written in a view of one of my perspective. :) I like this.

on Jul. 15 2015 at 10:42 am
ThisEmilyDa1 SILVER, BF, New Mexico
6 articles 0 photos 101 comments

Favorite Quote:
only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile
-Albert Instien
the only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.

Thank you so much for your input it was very helpful.

Beila BRONZE said...
on Jul. 14 2015 at 11:25 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 519 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

I love the ideas behind the poem, and there are a few places where you convey them well. However, you noted correctly in the author's note that you haven't yet gotten the rhythm and flow of the poem down. My best advice to that would be to read your own work aloud to catch places where it sounds awkward. Don't let little things slide; if you heard it, the chances are that we will hear it too. For inspiration, you can always look to favorite poetry and read that aloud to try to find your own rhythm. Also, steak and stake are two different things. :P That said, the imagery in the first stanza is very powerful, and I love the lines "A cat will chase the bird/ That tries to fly to flee." The alliteration of sound in fly and flee is part of what really makes those lines work. Try to incorporate more alliteration, slant rhyme, etc. into your other lines to improve the flow as well. Just because you're not rhyming, doesn't mean the separate lines don't have to sound good together. Once you tinker a little more with your words and format, you'll really have a way through which your ideas can impact people, and that's when you get true art. :) Good luck!

on Jul. 9 2015 at 3:16 pm
ThisEmilyDa1 SILVER, BF, New Mexico
6 articles 0 photos 101 comments

Favorite Quote:
only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile
-Albert Instien
the only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.

Thanks for the advice:)

on Jul. 9 2015 at 3:15 pm
ThisEmilyDa1 SILVER, BF, New Mexico
6 articles 0 photos 101 comments

Favorite Quote:
only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile
-Albert Instien
the only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.

Thank you for your advice I am new at poetry so I don't really know what a pattern of punctuation is, ill look into that.

Adia16 GOLD said...
on Jul. 9 2015 at 12:22 pm
Adia16 GOLD, Nampa, Idaho
16 articles 7 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sing like no one's listening, Dance like no ones watching, Love like you've never been hurt."-Unknown

Amazing piece, it's very moving and emotional. I'd suggest using a pattern of punctuation. This helps your poem become more professional looking. Keep Writing!

on Jul. 8 2015 at 11:40 pm
ThisEmilyDa1 SILVER, BF, New Mexico
6 articles 0 photos 101 comments

Favorite Quote:
only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile
-Albert Instien
the only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.

Thanks for your comment. I noticed some of the mistakes you mentioned I really should proof read but sometimes it's hard to remember.

on Jul. 8 2015 at 8:10 pm
ElisaTheDuck ELITE, Rigaud, Other
323 articles 5 photos 168 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Describe yourself in three words."
"Lazy."

Other than a few typos and random lack of punctuation, this poem is sad and beautiful. I know exactly how you feel, to an extent. Keep up the great work!

wilds PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 8 2015 at 5:18 pm
wilds PLATINUM, Newfane, New York
22 articles 0 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
Brave is not being fearless but being able to overcome those fears you have

Nicely done. I know from personal experience that bullying isnt the easiest to deal with




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