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Hum Of Night
May 17, 2015
The orange light creeps over the city,
shadowing the sun with a beautiful beam
and city lights come out,
telling the world its time for bed
and the children head to rest,
with monsters under their beds and sugarplums dancing in their heads
but the teenagers with weary eyes and scattered thoughts must stay awake to finish the work from the day
and the restless mothers that lie awake with a worried whisper and a cup of tea, hum alongside the midnight sky
and the bright shining moon finally comes out to play, bringing along a train of stars to light the way.
© Hoang P., Rochester, NY
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This article has 12 comments.
I really like the feeling you created...sort of sleepy and whimsical. I would still work on the cadence and rythm however...count the syllables in each line and try to create some sort of pattern where there's a correlation. I would love it if you could take a look at one of my poems and give me some feedback...
Consalvator BRONZE said...
on Jun. 6 2015 at 10:28 am
Great story! I love when poems portray events. Only improvement would be flow, it was just a tad choppy. Good imagery!
Bleach10101 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 1 2015 at 10:54 am
good work I liked it
super.ballerina SILVER said...
on May. 29 2015 at 9:22 am
Really nice work. I could picture everything that you were saying. Great use of wording.
Jewelz2015 BRONZE said...
on May. 28 2015 at 2:25 am
i liked it.. i only write my thoughts down when I'm really mad or sad
pikachulover SILVER said...
on May. 26 2015 at 1:51 am
Well penned, a flow of imagination enhanced your poem!
A poem ive been working on for a while now. I really enjoyed writing this! Hope you enjoy it too :)