hommáge a Koyczan

preface

I cannot say that I’ve been bullied
and I thank Heaven for it
but I’ve read books
I’ve read poetry
I’ve read emails
I’ve read emails from friends
friends who’ve struggled
struggled hard
and barely scrape by
barely live
barely stand up
under the weight
of the innumerable tiny shards
they carry with them
every day of their lives
my heart
my mind
my soul
go out to them
my pen too

now let us begin the letters

to those bullied

I can’t empathize
I don’t know your pain
your sorrow
your torment
your…
…
heck
but I can try
I will fail
but I can try
those mosquitoes
buzzing around your head
repeating mantras of condescension
mantras of contempt
mantras of that eternal lie
“it is better
to be feared
than to be loved”
those cougars
pouncing
when no one watches
but the trees
those knives
slashing the ones below
sculpting the ones above
setting themselves kings
setting themselves warlords
those funhouse mirrors
only letting you see
the flaws
hiding the beauty
those mirrors are blind
those mirrors can’t see you
and here’s the diff
between you
and them
YOU
HAVE
LIVES
and they don’t
YOU
SEE
EACH
OTHER
AS
PEOPLE
and they don’t
YOU
BLEED
YOU
CRY
YOU
HAVE
PAIN
and
YOU
ADMIT
IT
and they don’t
YOU
HAVE
AN
INNER
STRENGTH
THAT
PUSHES
YOU
WILLS
YOU
WANTS
YOU
TO
KEEP
TRYING
and they don’t
I hope this letter finds you well

to the bullies

I don’t know you
I don’t understand you
I can’t peer
into your mind
with a flashlight
and a shovel
all I know is
“their fruits shall reveal them”
now shall I say something
I want to debunk a common myth
namely, that respect is the greatest good
that is a lie
respect
at least
what you call respect
is a hole
in the sand
on the beach
with a teaspoon
and you grab the teaspoon
and you stick it in the sea
and you pull the water out
and place it
drip by tiny drip
into the hole
and it leaks out
through the cracks in the sand
and even if
by some miracle
you manage to fill the hole
it just overflows
into the sea
you’ve been trying to drain
and as you walk
back and forth
between the hole
and the sea
you carve a rut
you can’t get out
and you’ve gotten nowhere
so pause for a second
think for a minute
clamber out
of your hole of false respect
and see something
besides the feet
of the walkers on that beach
see their faces
see them as they are
see them
not their dusty shadows
I don’t think of bullying as bullying
that sounds weak
fake
inconsequential
meaningless
I think of it as abuse
the reckless
selfish
exploitation
of another
for your own
selfish
goals
I think of it as
ripping a book to shreds
pouring in the author’s tears
making papier-mâché
to build a mansion
it’s useless, you know
it will dissolve anyway
with the coming of the next rain
so stop while you can
while you’re out of jail
while nobody’s opened fire
have you never heard of Columbine

to those who stand by

you are trees
in a silent wood
broken only
by the sound
of teeth on bone
as one wolf murders another
that second wolf
barely alive
left for dead
staggered back to its den
drunk with pain
fighting for everything
struggling to stay alive anyway
carted back into the woods
and viciously killed
you
the trees
trees by choice
refusing to mention
refusing to help
refusing
you are the three monkeys
see no evil
hear no evil
speak no evil
but just because
you refuse to see
refuse to hear
refuse to speak
doesn’t mean it’s gone
only that the murderers
can cover their tracks
and fade
unscathed
into the night
so wake up
look around
be on watch
tell somebody
help
help them

for those who help

you
the soldiers
on the front lines
or in the back
helping the oppressed
giving them strength
hearing their cries
emanating from the mist
rushing in
not caring for yourselves
you
the heroes
those who walk
in solidarity
with the murdered
those
who
walking in the woods
look up
see the pelt
hanging in a tree
buffeted by the wind
is there no respite
and following the tracks in the snow
to catch a killer
I salute you
I salute you
and the bullied ones themselves
I salute you all
please
keep up the good work
don’t go blind
you have a job to do
now go do it

epilogue

you have missions
I did not give them to you
I merely reminded you
it was my job
I guess
and thank you
my friends
for making me do this

fin