Poison | Teen Ink

Poison

February 13, 2015
By AliceAngel DIAMOND, Shreveport, Louisiana
AliceAngel DIAMOND, Shreveport, Louisiana
60 articles 52 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
This brick wall I tried so hard to build, is tumbling down. - Me (AliceAngel)

If drama were vodka, everyone at my school would be drunk. - Chloe, one of my friends.


Sticks and stones can break your bones,

But words can never hurt you.

 

What a stupid thing to say.

 

All of the words I can remember have hurt me

In one way or another.

I can remember my mother telling me that I don't try.

It didn't have to be specific,

But it hurt me in such a way that

I stopped trying.

I stopped trying to reach my potention.

I stopped trying to find motivation.

I stopped trying to make my parents proud of me

Because it didn't matter anymore.

I stopped trying to include myself in the lives of others

And they didn't even notice.

They sat back and watched as I isolated myself from them

And ended up only hurting myself

Because then I felt that

I don't matter.

I don't matter in the lives of the people I call my friends.

My isolation is proof that no one wants me around anyways.

My isolation has trained me to think that

Spending time with others is

Uncomfortable and painful in the worst way possible.

My isolation taught me that it's okay to be alone

And to keep all the sad thoughts and feelings to myself

Because words can hurt me.

And this in turn taught me to keep my passions silent

And to not say a word to anyone about them,

Even if they share the same passion.

My isolation wrapped me in a blanket of sadness

As my silence sang a lullaby that fell onto my deaf ears

As nothing special

Because it had been sung to me so many times

That I started to sing it in front of my peers

And one by one they left me alone with

My isolation and My silence

Because who would want such a lonely girl for a friend?

No one.

Sticks and stones can break your bones,

But words can never hurt you.

With these sticks and stones I built a throne

And crowned myself the queen of loneliness.

And these words they say could never hurt

Burned themselves into my skin

And I tried to cut them out

And tried to cut the pain away

And for a while they'd be gone

But then they'd come back more painful than before

And I sti on my throne of loneliness with no one to talk to

With the cuts on my arms as they bleed out

The pain I can no longer bear.

 

Don't you people know that words are

The most painful thing out there?

 

I sit on my throne of loneliness

With My isolation and My silence

Because they're the only ones there

Nice enough to be there.

Finally I decide I've had enough.

I rip off my crown

And throw it to the other lonelies

Who have no desire to rule the lonely

Because it's all they've ever been

And it's everything that they don't want to be.

I shrug off my blanket of isolation

And I stop singing the lullaby of silence

And I cry out,

"Can't any of you see me?!"

 

"I can."

Says a soft voice to my right.

 

I turn and look and sure enough there he is,

The only thing I was missing.

 

Happiness.

 

He reaches out his hand to me,

And I reach out to take it,

But suddenly I'm yanked back

And I turn around and there's Silence holding onto my hand

And Isolation is not far behind.

And suddenly I'm in a nightmare

And I desperately want to wake up

But it's no use and I'm stuck with Silence on one hand

And Isolation on the other

And suddenly I realize that my oldest friends

Have always been there for me

And they never left

Even when I left them.

But I was never their friend.

I just don't understand how the two friends I've managed to keep

Could be the two friends that have hurt me the most

because they kept everyone away from me.

I don't understand how my oldest friends

Could make me want to die.

But suddenly it all makes sense

Because Silence kept me quiet

And Isolation blinded me

When someone held out their hand for me to take.

And they both kept my hands in their own

Just in case I decided to reach out into the void of lonely

And finally ifnd a hand attached to a friend

Who would help me out of the abusive relationships

With Silence and Isolation.

My Silence.

My Isolation.

It's all so twisted and it doesn't make sense

Because they persuaded me to listen to them

And to trust them

And believe in every single word they said.

They persuaded me to believe that I would always be

The Queen of Loneliness

And that I would forever be

On a throne of sticks and stones

That could break my bones.

Silene and Isolation spoke to me

With gentle tones and harsh words

To make me believe that it's okay to be by myself

And to say nothing.

Silence and Isolation convinced me

That it was always meant to be this way

And that I was never to find happiness in this world

Because happiness is a myth and a fantasy

That is always romanticized.

Every so often

Silence and Isolaiton

Invited Depression to join the party

Because there is no happiness

And there never will be.

Isolation is the cold blanket around my shoulders

I can never shrug off.

Silence is the lullaby that never ceases to stop

No matter where I am

Or what time of day it is.

Depression is the puppeteer

Who makes everyone believe that I am fine.

Depression is the one who

Forces my mouth into a smile

As I sit on a throne of sticks and stones

And announce to every Lonely

That this is the end!

This is the end.

 

This is the end.

 

And like an army of soldiers following orders

We climb to the roof of the tallest buildings we know

And we don't look back.

Not on our way up the stairs.

Not on our way through the entrance.

Not as we pass the one person

Who cares about us.

 

And we all jump.

 

Now the throne of Loneliness is empty.

 

The Kingdom of Loneliness stands still

As Silence sings a lullaby once again for the Lonelies

Who are no longer there.

But there are no more Lonelies

And therefore no reason to sing.

And shortly thereafter

Silence and Isolation capture another

And make them believe that they were meant

To rule the Kingdom of Loneliness

Just as they made me believe.

The Kingdom of Loneliness stands empty no more

As thousands of Lonelies file in

As if they had been there their whole lives

Because that's what Silence and Isolation want them to think.

Little do they know that they've drunk the poison that I once drank

That made me stop trying in the first place.

 

Sticks and stones have never broken my bones,

But words have always hurt me.



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