Numb Knees

My mouth moves in silent prayer,
While sweat pools, cooling on my face.
Serenity, I don’t know the feeling,
Only my own anxieties tinting my vision in icy blue.
My breath comes out in gasps,
Fear clouding my vision, burning metallic in my throat.
I cannot remember what they said in church,
It never struck a chord,
I never thought that I
Would find myself here,
Kneeling at the foot of my bed,
My knees slowly going numb,
And the clock tick-tick-ticking in my ear.
When you talk to God, what do you say?
When you have left the phone off the hook for so long?
Forgetting about old what’s-his-name when things are going fine.
What would he say if he answered at all?
I never thought I would want this,
Never thought that I would need
Something, anything, to keep my fear away.
Never thought I would look to my own ­muttered words,
For promises and everything-will-be-all-rights.
And now that I’m here,
I’m feeling foolish,
Talking to my walls,
And now I wonder if there is anything really there at all.