Pretending is abandoned as the obituary appears on the computer screen sitting in the dining room
Seeing your beautiful face followed by the date of your last day sucks my heart from my chest
Causing it to shatter on the black and white tile at my feet like a crystal face
Crystal blue, the color of your eyes
I barely make it to my bedroom before my emotion, which has been nonexistent up until now, pours out like a dam being let go
Tears pour down my face without relent, sobs envelope me, making my shoulders shake violently
My face is sore and red, wet with salt and heartbreak
My throat is a desert with sobs, my hand tangled in my hair with a scream
I can no longer pretend it’s all a dream, a twisted nightmare
It’s so real I can reach out and touch it

I can not get the tears to cease, nothing can make them stop
I look up from my wet hands, black from wiping my eyes
The Yamaha keyboard is the first thing I see,
I stand, knees shaking and stomach swirling

I sit in the white chair and my hands play a chord

At the piano, I break
I break down the walls I have built around my heart to comfort others,
Everything comes out before that instrument
As my hands dance across the black and white everything escapes from me
Tears splash the keys and my emotions flow onto a page in black signature pen
My voice is strong, but still choked by tears
What is left of my heart is thrown onto the instrument which seems to heal and comfort
Chords and melodies become my heart, crying out in a way I’ve never felt so strongly before
Unaware of which notes are being played, just playing, just singing
Singing to you, above this pained world
Singing to God, praying for healing with this broken song
I sing as if you are sitting in the chair beside me, like you have never left

For someday I will be sitting next to you again
I will see you some glorious day and I will never let you go, and that day
That day keeps the song hopeful, because I have to carry on until that day

Some day, dear friend, we’ll have forever
But until then
I will forever have a hole shaped like you in my heart