Before you judge me
Let me tell you my story:
I was never like the other kids you see
I had a different personality
For the next 2 years
(Casually beginning with kindergarten)
I was always an "out cast"
The odd one out
The youngest of the bunch
I was the last kid you'd want to play with
After those grueling two years of miscommunication
Diagnosis came to me
I had what's known as ADHD
Active hyper.. Yeah nobody cares..
I was maybe only 6
Just a baby
I was in third grade
Medication
I can honestly say
I've take most of them out there
ADHD
My damn father gave it to me
It's hereditary
At age 9
I started to see
Everything my parents tried to keep from me
The nights I'd sit in my room and cry
To the screaming of my parents
The remarks of a deadbeat father
Soon to be
I will never forget the vision of a father
Who wanted to hurt my mommy
My father never blamed me
But I took all the blame
It had to be me
My fault
Can't you see?
Divorced
I was only 9
After my mother moved out
And my dad settled in
He once again
Left my life
Age 9 or 10
He began to abuse me
The burning
Swollen hand prints had marked my skin
At school I was asked what happened
I'd never disclose
My father is an alcoholic
And abuses me so
At age eleven
I made my first cut
Nobody made a scene
It's bigger than it seems
I stopped for awhile and then at age 13
My cutting picked up again
And I had to leave
I wasn't allowed in school
Until I was clean
Holly Hills mental hospital
My dad gave not two s***s about me
I was sent to that hell
8 days away from home
I didn't belong there
After I got back my guy friend raped me
This is the first I've disclosed of it
Publicly
He's since moved away
And no longer in my life
I've been molested twice
And one just recently
No names will be said
And stories either
Just plain out there fact
My sophomore year
I was merely 14
My heart had been shattered
I was too attached you see
I couldn't get over her
And when I finally did
My life turned around
And it soon began
Something's got worse
Like the constant thoughts
Of still suicide
I'm not fully recovered
But I've got people on my side
I was told by my mom
I was diagnosed with depression
When I wasn't home
I've been in therapy since I was 6
At least 10 different therapist
And new one to fix
Me
After I got to know him
Dr. Matt Wolf
My dad said I couldn't see him
Because he was in control
My father, a control freak, ruined me worse
My signs of bipolar began to emerge
My sophomore year still
I took a chorus trip
Busch Gardens
Not gonna lie
It was the s***
But before that trip
My signs began to show
Not only
Depression
Bipolar
But Dissociative identity disorder too
Senior year
Follow me
My therapist now doesn't believe
I have voices in my head
That try to kill me
I have been attacked
Yet fully aware
Sometimes
It's like I'm not even there
All these personalities
I fight them constantly
The demons in my head
And I mean literally
It's hard to take seriously
But please just believe me
Not many do
And for you to
Means a lot to me
Skip ahead to this day in time
My first time
Ever
"Performing live"
I've never vocalized my poetry
Not shared my story
This isn't even
My entire story