Yeah, I wonder if he still loves me
But then, did he ever?
Did he ever see how my heart almost came threw my throat when he came close?
Did he ever hear my breathing catch when he said "I love you"?
Did he ever see the forgiveness in my eyes after he yelled?
Did he ever know that I cried at night because I loved him and wouldn't let him go
Even when the bruises lay black on my pale skin?
Even when others though of me as what ever e called me that day
Good
Bad
but never okay
Does he know that I"m not the person I used to be?
Happy
Outgoing
Trusting
I'll never trust someone entirely again
Is that a good thing?
Is that what you wanted me to be?
"I'll change."
"It's all my fault"
"Please, I love you"
Thinking that those words would change your mind
They didn't
When you had my hair in your fists
and you were calling me these names
what more did you want me to do?
Then I realized
I didn't love you
I was scared of you
Frightened that if I were to walk away from you
You would hurt me.
So I stayed
Things stopped for a while
and it was terrifying
Not knowing
When
How
I pushed those feelings away
I finally got what I was wanting
Yeah, I'll admit
It felt good to know that someone loved me
But did he really love me?
My dream came to an end
I spilt water
WATER
On his sweater
He back handed me
Swore
That if I ever did it again
That we would be over
There
I saw my chance
"Fine, I'm done being your play thing"
"I hate you and I don't know why I loved you"
"I'm done with you"
Those three statements
I said
That was that
and he realized that
He cried
I cried
He begged me again
and again
and again
to stay
"I'm sorry"
"You're to beautiful to cry"
"I love you"
My breath caught
I hadn't herd him say those
three words
in months
I knew it was a facade
I wanted it to be true
So badly
He didn't mean it
So I walked
Then ran
Threw the rain
Not only the physical storm
But the mental one as well
With my speed
I gained
Freedom
Something that I haven't had in
Well
The two years
It was something that I've learned to live with
No one should to know what it feels like
Never again
Will I know what it feels like to have a fist hit my face
Never again
Will I know that people think of me as what others have indirectly characterized me as
Never will I know false love