I am not sure why

Maybe it’s because all I have are horrible thoughts

—I’m pessimistic, I guess, no less I’m blessed with nothing more

but sin

And I sit here, horrifyingly in a situation where I’d never—

it doesn’t matter.

I guess, it’s because he holds me down; 

you all who care for me can see it; I guess, no less I’m blessed with nothing more

but fellowship

Salivating for what,

for relationships that will only be plutonic after the kisses, sex, nothing less

Even though I have all that, in spite of that relationship being intact.

A minute change, possibly,

i want and yearn for, because 

—I’m pessimistic, I guess, no less I’m blessed with nothing more

than people who care

So why do I push it away?

Wow, that’s harsh, the words from my lips, a kiss, a dance and slur

“I don’t want him anymore.”

Oh, but I do

There’s so much more than the words convey,

they just say, don’t feel—

so much more than meets the paper, the literature is faker

is reaper, is stalker, is killer, is marauder—

it doesn’t matter.

Because all you see is what meets the paper,

the drama of Shakespeare in a century that doesn’t quite—

oh well. 

Bricks, metal gates, street lights, word fights

side jabs, eye pokes, languid lips and sharp hips.

None of it and all of it.

Can you really see it all?

How could you see it when I can not, how should you feel content,

when I am n— 

I am, I smile

And walk home.