Possibilities in Another World | Teen Ink

Possibilities in Another World

August 29, 2014
By Anonymous

I shouldn't be thinking of you

You shouldn't be on my mind

This wasn't how it was supposed to be 
I was with your best friend
You were with my best friend
It wasn't supposed to be like this
When it ended between him and I, you should have left my life too
But you didn't 
And now I can't stop wondering
What if
You were always a bit of an a**hole
But you had your moments
You were always there for me
When he left me crying, you were there to pick up the pieces 
I told you everything 
You probably see me as his ex-sl*t
And I don't blame you for thinking that
Maybe it's just because
I know I can never have you
But maybe 
Just maybe
It was you and I that were meant to be together
And I think that chance may be gone
But I will never know because I can't ask
I've never wanted someone in this way
You look so gorgeous in that one shirt
And it makes me go crazy
Because I can't even talk to you anymore
Or else the rumors will start flying
Again
I remember when he used to try to set you and I up
It annoyed me so much because I was wrapped up in him,
Too absorbed in him to notice the possibility of you
And I wonder what what've happened if I said yes 
Instead I laughed and said never
Because I just wanted him
And when I was with him
You never crossed my mind
Until he forgot me
And you were there to comfort me
It was you
Not him
You
And I now want nothing more than to kiss you
I can only imagine how that would feel
But when I think of kissing you, I think of her
She is my best friend 
And even though your relationship imploded, I don't want to hurt her
She probably wouldn't even mind
I tell myself that over and over
You only kissed her once
What I did with him is way worse
I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to touch me
I understand that I'm forever marked as his
You once told me that when you look at me all you see is him
I wish I could change that
But what I did isn't something that is easily forgotten
And even if you did somehow get over the past
There would always be moments of comparison
I don't want you to be just a hook up either
I want a relationship
And so do you
Now if we could only make one work
And I realize if we did this
It would be all over the school
But f*** what they think
And the sad thing is, all this is for nothing
Because I know you don't feel the same as I do
I'm forever his and that repulses me
He never wanted me to be a part of his life and I wonder how it got so far
I want you
Or do I?
I can't tell anymore
My emotions are everywhere
I can't tell what I want anymore
When I look at you, I want you
But I don't know why
I need to stop overthinking and act
I need to walk up to you and just kiss you 
But I know that I won't 
And I'm pretty sure you won't either
If I could do it without any consequences, I would do it 
But sadly that world doesn't exist
But I can still daydream about you,
thinking about how amazing you look in that shirt and those baseball pants and wishing you could be mine


The author's comments:

Something I wrote a few months ago...I don't feel the same about him anymore, but the emotions here are real.


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