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Invisible
August 19, 2014
You want me to be invisible.
You thought it would be effortless,
To push me to the depths of solitude
Without admitting your transgressions,
Never to ask forgiveness,
Or show remorse.
But I see through your facade,
And I refuse to be submissive.
I will not be ignored
And I won't allow you to be innocently reprieved.
I will be luminous through your
Dark curtain of loathing that tries to envelop me,
And I will not go out.
I will not be invisible.
© Breanna F., Monte Vista, CO
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This article has 6 comments.
Ariel_Fluffyy SILVER said...
on Feb. 5 2015 at 5:59 pm
When I read this its like i can feel the determination behind your words, its like you want to be something more in life. I enjoy this good job!
guard-girl GOLD said...
on Sep. 3 2014 at 11:13 am
Wow that was really powerful great job!
Starlight99 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 1 2014 at 4:23 pm
Love the self-empowerment :-) like McKay said I think it would be even better with similes and metaphors. Its still a really good poem. :-)
I like the message of self-empowerment, of not allowing others to subdue us, and of standing up for ourselves. For whatever reason, Teenink messed up with the format: there's a lot of <p>. I would say, work on making the poems a little less prosaic. Add some more similes, metaphors, and other elements that don't make it seem like a speech to yourself, but rather an apostrophe to someone who will not accept you for you. I like the line "I will be luminous through your/Dark curtain of loathing...". I believe that poems are never truly "finished" even in their "final" drafts: I'm constantly trying to better my poems, even the ones with Editors' Choices and that have been published. I'd recommend keep working on this poem: always strive, as a writer, to perfect your writing, even when everyone says your work is good as it is. Great message in this poem.
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Favorite Quote:
"We accept the love we think we deserve." -Stephen Chbosky