I glance behind me at the clock on the microwave
6:32 AM
And then return to watching Matt Smith save the world from snow.

I hear footfalls of his work shoes on the tile:
Clack clack clack...
And I'm immediately still.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
He asks.
Oh please, not today.

"Watching Doctor Who, waiting for Piper to get up,"
I answer timidly,
Feeling stupid for even breathing.

"Turn it off. Now. You think you can just do whatever you want? Think it's okay to sit on your ass?"
I stare at a spot in the carpet
Shut him out. Don't say anything. Calm down. Don't cry.

"Do you f***ing hear me? Huh?"
He's in my face now,
Drilling his fat finger into my skull.

"Stop,"
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I shouldn't say anything. Ever.

"F*** you. You're a brat. Lazy, selfish, little brat,"
I'm trying to walk away, but he's following me.
No no no no no no...

I hear Piper crying, no doubt woken up by his yelling.
I go into her room and grab her from the crib.
Change her diaper.

When I finish he's behind me.
"Here," he says.
"I've got her," I say.

And he's at it again.
A madman.
"Shut up, give her to me."

I do as I'm told. He's unstable.
His hand is grasped tightly around my wrist.
And I can't even hear what he's saying, I'm so scared.

"Don't touch me!"
I try to pull away, but I'm cornered between him and the changing table.
I can't seem to get enough oxygen to calm me down.

Slap
It stings.
Stop it, please.

Tears are streaming down my face,
Two rivers flowing down to my chin.
Drip drip drip down to my shirt.

His blue eyes are frightening.
His mouth is moving rapid-dire.
Get out get out get out.

I escape and run to the bathroom,
Locking the door behind me.
Panic attack.

I can't breath, I can't function, and I can't stop crying.
Breathe. Calm down. It's okay.
But it's not okay.

I look in the mirror.
"Why?" I whisper.
Because you deserved it.