Relapse

July 27, 2014
By SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"


Today I actually opened my mouth
Wide, as if I would be able to see
my empty stomach in the mirror
and realized I've gotten myself here
Again without trying or really
Realizing or even trying to stop
myself.
I never wanted to be here again,
but now (as before)
I'm finding I don't ever want to leave.


The author's comments:
This was written on 7/15/2014. I decided to make this poem a stream-of-conciousness type thing (which I don't usually do) because of the topic matter.

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This article has 8 comments.


Beila BRONZE said...
on Mar. 23 2015 at 9:45 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 519 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

I think the stream-of-consciousness style definitely worked here. (It's also the way I write most often, so I am partial towards it. :)) The opening image is fantastic, and I love the way the mood shatters on the third line from intrigued to devastated. You've captured a very real sense of the desperation here; thank you for sharing that.

on Mar. 23 2015 at 1:04 am
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

I don't think there's really any critique I can provide.

on Mar. 4 2015 at 7:16 pm
ThePoeticJustice PLATINUM, Houston, Texas
29 articles 0 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Hold fast and keep your head up high for life will pass right by you like a speeding bird if you don't acknowledge it- Charles Moorer III (me)

XD I had been here when u first made it...... I just didn't know I had to rate XD please forgive me lol

JRaye PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 14 2015 at 11:05 am
JRaye PLATINUM, Dorr, Michigan
43 articles 10 photos 527 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you build your house far enough away from Trouble, then Trouble will never find you."

"Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, 'I just don't care.'?"

I love somewhat short poems that give you everything you need, make you FEEL so much more than you'd expect to :) I love how it's not too wordy or too..."poetic" in a sense, like it seems like you're just writing your thoughts down in a diary, if that makes sense? this makes it feel real, SO real - not sure if these are based on your past experiences or not, but nonetheless excellent job :):):)

on Oct. 20 2014 at 6:44 pm
No-one-knows-me.. PLATINUM, Rockford, Michigan
27 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
To be or not to be That is the question.
-Shakespeare

great poem, I love it.  It shows some of the problems that people face, like eating disorders and such.  you have a talent and I would love to see more of your work

on Sep. 27 2014 at 11:47 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

That's a good point, thanks for the feedback! I wish TI didn't mess with the spacing like they do, otherwise I think it would be easier to read and understand if they didn't move my words around to fit their format instead of mine. xP I do see what you mean with the repetition of some of the words and how that can be a little confusing (especially with TI messing up the format).

on Sep. 26 2014 at 2:41 pm
AprilNicoleJones BRONZE, New Castle, Indiana
4 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I write only because
there is a voice within me
that will not be still."
~ SYLVIA PLATH

(MY FORMER ACCOUNTS: Icantwrite & Punk.Snowflake)
Published poems from my former accounts:
- FRAIL HOPE (Icantwrite)
- YOURSELF (Punk.Snowflake)

*Excuse me, not "wants". Want. My error. :)

on Sep. 26 2014 at 2:40 pm
AprilNicoleJones BRONZE, New Castle, Indiana
4 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I write only because
there is a voice within me
that will not be still."
~ SYLVIA PLATH

(MY FORMER ACCOUNTS: Icantwrite & Punk.Snowflake)
Published poems from my former accounts:
- FRAIL HOPE (Icantwrite)
- YOURSELF (Punk.Snowflake)

Wow...the emotion you've put into this poem is intensely strong. From what the poem describes, I can only assume it's about an eating disorder. I love how you drop hints but never completely give the meaning away. I especially love how you begin the poem, it's an instant hook that made me wants to keep reading and know more. The only thing I would fix, and this is only if we're being nitpicky, is that near the end of the poem you use the words "again", "trying", and "or" twice each, which threw me off just slightly. (...and realized I've gotten myself here/Again withought trying or really/Realizing or even trying to stop myself). However, those are pretty minor things. Overall, I found this poem to have great emotional depth and I'm very impressed. :)




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