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Today I actually opened my mouth
Wide, as if I would be able to see
my empty stomach in the mirror
and realized I've gotten myself here
Again without trying or really
Realizing or even trying to stop
myself.
I never wanted to be here again,
but now (as before)
I'm finding I don't ever want to leave.





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BeilaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 23, 2015 at 9:45 pm
I think the stream-of-consciousness style definitely worked here. (It's also the way I write most often, so I am partial towards it. :)) The opening image is fantastic, and I love the way the mood shatters on the third line from intrigued to devastated. You've captured a very real sense of the desperation here; thank you for sharing that.
 
Amai-kun This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 23, 2015 at 1:04 am
I don't think there's really any critique I can provide.
 
ThePoeticJustice said...
Mar. 4, 2015 at 7:16 pm
XD I had been here when u first made it...... I just didn't know I had to rate XD please forgive me lol
 
JRaye This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 14, 2015 at 11:05 am
I love somewhat short poems that give you everything you need, make you FEEL so much more than you'd expect to :) I love how it's not too wordy or too..."poetic" in a sense, like it seems like you're just writing your thoughts down in a diary, if that makes sense? this makes it feel real, SO real - not sure if these are based on your past experiences or not, but nonetheless excellent job :):):)
 
No-one-knows-me.. said...
Oct. 20, 2014 at 6:44 pm
great poem, I love it.  It shows some of the problems that people face, like eating disorders and such.  you have a talent and I would love to see more of your work
 
face-erased This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 26, 2014 at 2:40 pm
Wow...the emotion you've put into this poem is intensely strong. From what the poem describes, I can only assume it's about an eating disorder. I love how you drop hints but never completely give the meaning away. I especially love how you begin the poem, it's an instant hook that made me wants to keep reading and know more. The only thing I would fix, and this is only if we're being nitpicky, is that near the end of the poem you use the words "again", "trying"... (more »)
 
face-erased This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 26, 2014 at 2:41 pm
*Excuse me, not "wants". Want. My error. :)
 
RayynStorm replied...
Sept. 27, 2014 at 11:47 pm
That's a good point, thanks for the feedback! I wish TI didn't mess with the spacing like they do, otherwise I think it would be easier to read and understand if they didn't move my words around to fit their format instead of mine. xP I do see what you mean with the repetition of some of the words and how that can be a little confusing (especially with TI messing up the format).
 
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