Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989


Custom User Avatar
More by this author
Why am I like this?
Why can't I feel anything?
I used to pray
for the pain to end.
Now I’d give anything to have the pain back.
At least it’s something.

I don’t

I don’t

I don’t


When will it go away?
Maybe I should just end it.

I wish I could help Carrie.
We’ve been friends forever.
I wish I could tell her, but
her life is too complicated right now.

I’m seventeen years old,
and I live alone.
My brother died and my parents left.
Why does everyone leave me?
Am I that unlovable?

The expectations are too much
What if I fail?

I love Chris.
I wish we didn’t have to sneak around.
But I’m not allowed to date,
my dad says it’s a distraction.

Everyone says he’s no good.
But they don’t
see what I see.
He’s good.
I know it.

I used to be a pretty bad guy.
Okay, I was horrible.
But, since
I started dating Lizzy,
somethings changed.
She cares.
No one’s ever done that before.

I don’t know why I put up
with Tommy’s crap.
The push and pull.
The tug of war.
I’m done.
Maybe I should just let go of the

I’m only seventeen.
I’m not perfect.
And I shouldn’t be expected to be.
I make mistakes all the time.
I’m afraid.
So I coast through without a care.

I’m a Muslim.
People look at me different.
My friends don’t seem to care,
but I can’t tell sometimes.
I’m not suppose to drink but I do.
I’m not suppose to do a lot of things,

but I do them anyway.
I’m a hypocrite.

I’m gay,
and nobody knows.
Azeem is my best friend.
But, I’m afraid,
that because of his religion
he won’t want to be friends anymore.

Carrie is in the hospital again.
She downed an entire bottle of pills.
I wish I could just tell her.
I wish I could scream it from the roof tops…
I wish I could tell her she isn't alone,
she has me.

I really f***ed up this time.
Mel won’t talk to me and
I am pretty sure I’m not getting into college.
Why couldn’t have cared three years ago or even
three months ago?

Chris was worried about me leaving for college
and abandoning him.
So I had to talk to him about it.

“Why don’t you take the SAT and then you can come to college with me.” I said.
“You really think I could do it?”
“Of course. And I can help you study.”
I’m so glad we will finally
get to be together.
Really together.

I walk down the halls
and people stare.
I’m senior Tommy’s
little sister.
I’m bad-boy Johnny’s girlfriend.
And now I’m the good girl who
isn’t so good anymore.
When do I get to be me?

It’s nice to have someone
who sticks by me.
Who doesn’t run
when things get complicated.
Who doesn’t surrender
to temptation.
Who thinks about

I’ve decided I want to stop being
Tommy’s little sister or
the girl who is dating Johnny or the
goody two shoes/not so goody two shoes.
I’m going to start a new school
in a week.
It’s a catholic school and I think it will help
me to not be around the same people
all the time.
I think I need to break up with Johnny too.
I don't want to
hurt him.
But i need to find out what I want
before I can get serious about another person.

I can’t wait to finally get out of here.
Don’t get me wrong
I’ll miss my friends but,
I really want to
start over.
Just me and Jackie.

Why did she do this?
I love her.
She broke my heart.
I guess nobody truly does care.

I met this really great
is Ryan.
He is smart and funny and sweet.
He wants me to
come out.
But, I’m not ready yet.
I’m not ready for the looks,
or the talks or losing everything.
Even if everyone accepts it
nothing will ever be the same.
They will tip-toe around certain subjects
and pretend that it doesn’t bother
them. But it will always be awkward
when I hold another guys hand
or kiss him.
I just don’t know if I am ready for my life to change like
that yet. I guess I’m just being a coward.

Me and Jackie went to visit Carrie last night.
While we were waiting to see her
we talked.
I told her that I broke up with Tommy and for the first time
in months I am actually happy.
She was talking to me about Chris.
I am the only one who knows about them.
She really loves him.
I feel so sorry for her.
Couples like me and Tommy can go
parading around town together
but a couple as good as Chris and
Jackie can’t.

That’s what the
letter that
was shoved in Ryan’s locker said.
I’m definitely not ready for this.

I went to hangout with Carrie last night.
She couldn’t wait to get out of that
We went to a couple of bars, drank… a lot
and took some pills.
I haven’t slept in three days.

Why does she insist on doing
this to herself.
Johnny Parker, really?
Why can’t she just see how much
I care?
Why does she insist on
hurting herself.
GOD!... I give up.

I only broke up with him
a week ago.
He is already “seeing”
other girls.
Carrie Stone, I mean come
I guess it does make perfect
sense. They are both complete
and utter trainwrecks.
I can’t believe it only took him
seven days to go back to the way he was.
It’s not my fault, I’m not
responsible for him.

I want to go to college.
I want to be
something when I grow up.
I feel like I missed my
I’m only seventeen years old, how could I have screwed up my life so bad already?

Why do I feel so guilty?
It’s not my fault
that Johnny is
back to himself.
I mean it only took him
5 seconds.
We are in high school.
High school relationships aren’t meant
to last.
I still care about him and
I don’t want to see him hurt himself.
But, what can I do?
I’m only fifteen.

Matty is gay.
He doesn’t know that
I know.
I saw him kissing another
guy last night
at a party.
I can't even say I’m shocked he didn't tell me
I knew being muslim changed things.
I knew they cared.

I don’t know why
I did it.
Johnny was just... there.
And I was alone.
I wanted comfort.
and he seemed to
be as screwed up as
I am.

People look at her and see
a disaster.
I look at her and
see perfection.
Complete Perfection.
Maybe what
she needs is for someone
to tell her that,
For me to tell her that.

S***. S***. S***.
Rejected again.
Even complete strangers
know what a loser I am.
Only one more
school left.

We are all hanging out tonight.
Me, Mell, Tommy, Chris,
Johnny, Carrie, Sam, Matty and Azeem.
It’s the last big
get together before we
all part ways.
It’s going to be
weird not seeing them everyday.
I’ve hung out with the same
people every day
for the
last six years.
And they are the best friends I ever could have asked for.
Melissa’s comfort, Tommy’s humor, Johnny’s calm side,
Carrie’s love, Sam’s nurturing nature, Matty’s kind eyes, and Azeem’s
carefree personality.
I’ll even miss
Tommy’s sister’s goofy laugh.
I’m really glad I got to know her this year.

Sam told me
he loved me.
He told me
that he cares
what happens
to me.
So I better get my act together
because he will
be really disappointed in me if I end
up a homeless, drugie, prostitute.
Finally, someone cares.
It’s a weird feeling. A good
weird feeling

What’s more
pathetic than being at a bar alone?
Carrie doesn’t even
wanna hangout with me anymore.

Johnny keeps
leaving me drunk messages.
I want to call him back
but, I don’t
want to talk to him when
he’s like this.
He’s not
the Johnny I knew and
loved anymore.
He’s a stranger.

My life has changed so
much this year.
And not
at all
the way I
thought it would.
I lost my
brother and
my parents.
But I gained a new family.
One that loves me and
will never leave.

The school
I’ve been waiting to hear from
finally got
back to me.
I’m in.
I guess I’m not a lost cause.


I told Matty
that I know he is gay.
I told him
that I don’t care.
He’s my best friend.
Gay, Straight…
It doesn’t matter.

I don’t know what
I was so worried about.
Azeem is my
I should have know he
wouldn’t care.
I’m going to introduce
him to Ryan.
And I can’t wait to
hold his hand
in public.

He’s gone. Dead.
He got drunk.
Drove into a tree.
It’s over.
This can’t
be my fault.
I should have called him

Sam and I are going
to the same college.
I don’t
know if I am ready to
date but,
When I am ready,
I definitely want
him to be my first date.
I’ve gone thru
so much s*** this
year and
I’m glad it’s finally over.
And I’m glad it didn’t end
the same way it ended for
Johnny. He was a good
kid. I’m really sad he’s gone.

Things are
finally looking up
for me and Carrie.
I’m glad we
both made it thru this

I heard Tommy
got his act together.
I am
really proud of him.
Maybe we can even
be friends.

We are off for college.
Me and Chris are the
first to
I’m going to miss these guys.
We’ve all
changed so much
this year.
Carrie hit
rock bottom and then skyrocketed back up
with Sam’s help.
Melissa finally found
the strength to be on her own.
Matty found the courage to
truly be who he is.
Azeem was by his side
the whole time.
Tommy decided he wanted
to be something
in this world, so he got
his s*** together and did it… he grew up.
Tommy’s little sister Lizzy made a hard
and Johnny didn’t make it.
And no matter how much
she thinks it her fault,
Its not.
And I learned love, no
matter how young you are,
is real and powerful.

Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

Site Feedback