Now I know.

I didn’t know what it meant to be strong,
I thought it had to do with being bold and getting good grades.

I didn’t know what he was feeling,
I didn’t know,
I would be reaching for the sun, only to be pulled back down,
Drowning in words wishing to be said.

I didn’t know how to scream without having a voice,
I didn’t know what he was feeling.

This is me, before I knew,
When Spanish class was just a class,
And when death was just a word,
Still he taught, still he smiled.

This was me, before cancer entered my family,
This was him, not knowing what would come,
This was me, asking stupid questions,
This was him, waiting patiently in the hospital.

This is me, now understanding,
This is me, faking a smile,
This is me, accepting and forgiving,
This is me, crying,
But still he taught, still he laughed,
Still he lived.