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The Four Girls

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There were always four;
The girls with smiling mouths and sad eyes
The girls who put joints and cigarettes and bottles
To their lips and sucked it all in.
The girls with flowers in their hair
And rings on their fingers
And rubber bands
On their wrists.

They played all night and slept all morning.
The girls who poured over books
They did not understand
And slept in foreign beds with people
They did not understand.
They shook their heads
And lied to one another and themselves
“We’re having the time of our lives!”
“This is our beginning!”
“We are alive. We are free.”

They put on their different faces
And painted on their warpaint
And made mistakes.
They held hands, they were together
And when one plunged the other three
Deep into the darkest fathoms of the water
The girls swam to the surface
And refused to drown.

But those girls were never positive
If they were alive or not
They always had to make sure.
Get drunk
to remember what it was like to be sober
Get high
to realize what it meant to be low
Smoke
to know what it felt like to breathe
Screw
to feel a form of love they didn’t have for themselves

Each one feared for her life
At least once, at least a little.
One was terrified a disease would take
Everything away.
Another feared a man
With a gun.
One was scared of boredom
Dullness.
And one was afraid
Of herself.

They laughed a lot too
And grasped each other’s hands
And jumped
And it was in those moments that
They were sincere.
They fought a lot too
And clawed at each other’s backs
And let loose words
They didn’t mean
And it was in those moments that
They were sincere.

There were always four;
The girls with flowers in their hair
And rings on their fingers
And rubber bands on their wrists.
There were always four.
But they always worried
That one day
There would be only three
Or two
Or one.



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