I saw a spider today.
I stopped dead in my tracks, and in fact,
I wondered how badly it would hurt if I asked him to play.
If I tried to make him my friend, would he tickle my arm and distract my pain?
Or, would he crawl into my life and bite me the way the world has?
As I stood there sinking into my thoughts,
I wondered how badly it would hurt if I tried to be friends.
I guess it just depends on how willing I am to focus on the pain.
Or maybe it would be more dulling,
And my black widow friend could help numb the apathy I'm trying to maintain.

It's true, I miss you, it's been so, so long
But every time you visit you bring temptation with you
And I realize it's all just so wrong.

Who am I kidding? You ARE temptation!
Just the slightest mention or reminder of you
And I instantly think back to that sensation.
What a relief it was to have you around,
Knowing if anything went wrong you would catch my break down.

...But, you were my break down.
What a great friend you are!
You hid my feelings beneath a crimson mask of shame and regret.
I could just reach out to you, followed by a cigarette and then all that's left is to try to forget.
I can't forget.
I've blamed you for so many years.

In reality, it isn't even you.
It's my own collection of weaknesses and fears.
I'm having an allergic reaction to myself, and I need to change gears.
My salvation isn't based on me, or my ability to do anything.
It's based on grace.
It's based on my Lord's willingness to remove the weights of history and sin,
And he is more than willing.

I saw a spider today,
And I told him, "goodbye".
I went on my way and just passed him by
Without looking back, without regret.
I haven't reached the end of the road yet,
But I've narrowed my path and I've focused my view.
In all sincerity, old "friend",
I don't miss you.