I am almost fifteen years old, and yet I still sleep with the night light on,the coves up to my nose and a hot water bottle pressed against my chest; the warm glow of the light protecting me from the fear, from the monsters and ghost and vampires. Protecting me from this monstrous world we call home.

Only a year and a half ago I slept in complete darkness, door closed, light off, body exposed to the night.

What went wrong?

In the space of a year I have had my first encounter with heartbreak, with what, at the time,I believed to be love. All because he was older and I was younger but we spoke as if we were the same age inspire of ourselves. He risked his reputation for me and I almost risked it all. Long autumn walks,with our coats up to our noses.We learnt each other.

And then we made mistakes. One night, one phone call, two houses and a little too much...

Trust. After 4 months of not speaking I melted back into it. Into him. I believed his drunken call, I knew no better and couldn't think rationally for the life of me,

He told me he loved me.

And then summer came. We were no longer equals. He was sixteen and I was fourteen.

I deleted him from my phone and my life all because he told me what he saw. This to me was the only way to get over it. To get over him.

So here we are seventeen and almost fifteen. Too many mistakes between us. I can do I more then say

I'm sorry