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This Life That Isn't So Much Mine as it is Everyone Else's

I all of a sudden have everything I want
And I want nothing to do with any of it.
I've been so accustomed to living
This life that feels like
Rocks being thrown constantly at something
That can't be fixed
And it feels constantly like drums beating at my ears when I have headphones on trying to drown out the sound
When my mom yells at me I plug my ear and hum a song
To myself that sounds like a better version
Of my life,
This life
That isn't so much mine as
It is everyone else's.

I remember the other night
You looked at me loudly
As you wrapped your index finger around this bracelet of sin
That I wear on my left wrist that is supposed to remind me
That no one is perfect
As you tell me
I’m perfect
And mindlessly wrap a second finger around it.

You pulled my chin to yours with the other fingers that weren’t lingering with my sins
And as you pressed your lips against mine I wondered
Who it was that decided falling in love was a decent thing
And why no one ever empathized that everything that falls ends up broken

Sometimes I feel like you look right through me
Past my brain and my soul
Straight into the banister of my heart
That keeps the pain from oozing through the cracks
That have been installed due to prior engagements
But every time you push my hair back behind my ear and tell me
That it’s hard for you to look away from me-
Each crack sews itself up one stitch at a time

I want to know where exactly this valley of love is
That gathers together all of the love that has been lost
I would like very much to give it to all of the people
That only know love the way I unfortunately have gotten to know it-
One sided
And cold



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