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I'm in a Place I Cannot Be

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I’ve found a place where I’m afraid I’m
Not where I was before, Icannotdealwiththefactthat
I have found a hollow space to nestle in quietly,
With little turmoil –
this hole I have found, I can scream and
Miraculously, no one will hear it
But me.

Outside of my lay-me-down-to-sleep comfortable abode,
there is silence even as I thrash about.

But I do not mind.
No, I do not mind.

I am alive in both places, up above and the space in-between –
The and-I-shall-rest-in-peace not a literal location on Earth nor in Hell;
But there is a certain charisma I adopt in my own space that
Translates above to merely a picture of seclusion and eerie hermitage.

But I do not mind.
No, why the hell would I mind?

Neither areas grant me angel wings, so I do not hide my venom
To protect either, to please the witnesses on the above land
Or demons prowling in the recesses of my mind away in my
Sorrow-forgotten-but-a-thready-sweater-world refuge.

I’ve left my initial train of thought; oh, how dear time is
Not to me – there is shame in that sunken place, I know,
And I am the master of my own mind – therefore I must
Logically point out that it is I that make it so.

The stinging skeletonofasingingnobody
Dancing beneath my bed,
(More dear to me than Father Time’s musings)
That is the name I have given this shame inside –
It is my figment, the product of my conjuring
And I have given it a place to hide.

I don’t believe it was summoned of my own free will –
I despise it so, please believe me;
I curl up in a ball, cover my face with my hands,
And tremble as tears slip through the cracks between my fingers.
I did indeed spawn the feelingohitcannotbenothing
But it was a part of me I can’t see.

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